Feels Like We Are Dying

Selfish

I'd say that I don't know what to do anymore.

But I never fucking did

I'm over everything I try to be so grateful, caring...but the more I try the more selfish i get.Now I'm feeling shitty when the teens my age are getting fucked up shit happen to them on the daily and I wake up the next day wondering how to hide their bruises. I have it so lucky, but I can't stop feeling like shit. I'm tired of feeling feelings, I'm done with everything. I find a passion and it drops faster before i could grasp it. I'm terrified to drive, I'm to scared to get a job. I'm to scared to have a actual life. I don't mix with most people, i get aggravated and want to be by myself but when I'm alone I question why I was born, I'm a fucking mess. This is a mess. 

I feel like I'm under a depressed lie that i'm using an excuse for whatever reason. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to stress over grades or the friend that complains and lie's and annoys me then feel bad for feeling like i'm a shit head. 

I don't want anyone to care about me and then i'll have a button that'll end everything. I'm a Mess. My nonexistent life is a mess. I traded 80% of my anxiety and insecurities that I've had over the years always for anger now. I hold grudges now and can't help it.

I don't want opinions anymore on things,  I don't know what my morals are and i'm tired of trying. I'm tired. I'm a selfish mess. just give me the button already.

and I'll be in peace...