TK Special #4 - elveloy... Evolutionary Anomalies

PUNK WARS - THE SHOW!

Footsteps sounded on the floorboards, some were firm, confident steps and others more of a nervous shuffle. Clothes rustled as their owners settled themselves. Then silence. Three large red chairs opposite, remained with their backs to the new arrivals.

Angus cleared his throat loudly.

The three judges hastily put away their mobile phones, plastered an encouraging smile on their faces and spun their chairs around to see who had made it through to this current round of the hottest reality show in this time-space continuum. Punk Wars.

Four life forms—all apparently human—sat in the four contestants' seats, returning the judges' gaze with hopeful interest. At first glance, their sub-genres were not particularly obvious.

Two people wore what appeared to be Victorian costume, black frockcoats, with black top hats. Then Carolina smiled as she spotted a brass corset on the young woman. She'd bet her boots that one was representing Steampunk. Carolina bit her lip—so what was the gentleman beside her? Was it possible he could be an example of that rather rare sub-genre, Edisonades? But did that technically qualify as a Punk? She frowned thoughtfully and moved on to consider the next contestant. The scruffy man with a long white beard was wearing an ancient grey cloak which could have done with a good wash. Myth Punk perhaps? Carolina's nose wrinkled as an unsavoury aroma drifted across the room. Discreetly, she rummaged in her handbag for a small bottle and gave herself a spritz of Chanel No 5. Aah. That was better. She looked up to meet the blank gaze of the fourth contestant. A strip of silver metal ran from one side of his face to the other, just where the eyes would be. Ha! Easy! Cyberpunk.

Mad Mike leaned over and poked her in the ribs. "I'm betting Steampunk, Candlepunk, Cyberpunk and possibly Clockpunk for the man in the frockcoat." He winked at both the other judges. "A fiver says I'm right. Any takers?"

Rollie smiled nervously, still not entirely sure how he had come to be one of the judges today. "So tell me, why aren't Elveloy and Krazy D here again?" he asked in a low voice as the contestants sat back, waiting for their buzzers to appear on the desks in front of their seats.

Mad Mike grinned. "They made the mistake of pissing off Angus," he chuckled. "Not only wouldn't they stop fighting over who won the SFSD X, but they both wanted Spunky Heroine to be included in the competition."

"Spunky Heroine?" asked Rollie, puzzled.

"Yeah. It's got 'punk' in the middle of it, see? They were both pretty insistent, but Angus refused. He said according to Ooorah's SF Sub-Genre Definitions, it's not a true Punk sub-genre."

"Oh, right."

Carolina was frowning, maybe Elveloy and Krazy D had a good point. When she thought about it, there weren't many sub-genres that featured female protagonists. Steampunk, of course, had its fair share of kick-ass women, but—

Before she could voice her objection, Angus spoke.

"Welcome to Punk Wars, Round Three. Tonight we have contestants representing Steampunk, Teslapunk," (at this point, Mad Mike said a quiet "Shit! Teslapunk! Just as well nobody took me up on that bet!") ..."Candlepunk and Cyberpunk," continued Angus pointedly. "Check your buzzers please, lady and gentlemen."

To Rollie's surprise, instead of the traditional large red buttons, a small steam whistle with water already bubbling away beneath it, a lighted candle and a miniature tesla coil appeared on the desks of the appropriate contestants. Perhaps the coolest of all was an extendable eye-piece which lit up when activated by the cyberpunk contestant.