Hold On Tight We're Coming Home

Chapter One

Hold on Tight, We're Coming Home -A Lij Gilmour Fanfic Chapter One.

*DISCLAIMER THERE IS AND WILL BE CURSIVE LANGUAGE IN THIS STORY, SOME EVENTS IN THIS STORY ARE COMPLETELY AND 100% TRUE SOME OF THE EVENTS ARE NOT, WHICHEVER ONES YOU FEEL ARE TRUE OR NOT ISN'T IMPORTANT, JUST THE FACT THAT THIS IS NOT 100% FICTION AND. THE WAY I DESCRIBE THE MAIN CHARACTERS LIFE AND HER DISABILITY IS 100% TRUE TO MY OWN LIFE CHARACTER! I HOPE YOU ENJOY :)*

The sirens were going, I had no idea what was going on. I was out of it, but not completely. I've been here before but never has this happened. "So tell me exactly what happened" I hear someone ask my mum. "I walked into the bathroom to find her like this. I was going to stop the bleeding, then take her to the ER. But then she started shaking so I rang the ambulance" Truth be told I had one semi deep cut, but I'd taken a heap of pills that a friend had gave me. I'd had enough of life and it's bullshit. My mum was great, my brother was fine, I had heaps of friends yet I wasn't happy, I couldn't be more depressed to be honest. I have anxiety and I hear and see things I shouldn't.

It all started in January of 2013. I was lying in bed one night, and realised my curtains were open, which is weird because my room is always dark and they're always closed so I went to close them when I noticed a man standing outside the window holding an axe. He came closer to me swinging with it, but I couldn't hear anything so I hopped back into bed and thought nothing of it.

Now, you would think that any normal person would scream for help if they saw a man with an axe coming for them, right? No. Not me! I decided to hop back into bed and burry myself under the covers and wait to fall asleep. Then it started to get worse.

In March 2013, I met a guy named Peter, he was attractive (at the time) strong, older and I found him to be very sweet. I was only 15 at the time, he was 21. We started dating on the 28th of March and I thought my life couldn't be any better, then it started to go downhill. I realised what I was doing wasn't the right thing. He was using me yet knowing that didn't make me end it, he was staying with me and I knew I couldn't just say 'I want you to leave' my mum liked him, my brother liked him (that changed) and I was deep down infatuated with him.

Now, some advice for girls, do not go for an older guy because they're older and can support you more, that's how I felt and it turned out to bite me in the ass.

Not long after we started dating, even tho it felt like forever, he worked his ways around. He kept begging me to sleep with him, and I'm not that kind of girl, yeah I may look like I put out but secretly I am actually so insecure about everything about myself from the length of my nose to the size of my thunder thighs. Pretty much, my self esteem is at a -10/10 I have none! So Peter made me feel, wanted.

He forced me to sleep with him, and as much as the in the moment thing, deep down I didn't want to touch him and his filthy cock. I figured if I didn't give in he would of raped me anyway, so I just let it happen.

Which I'll tell you now, if you're not ready to have sex, DO NOT! Give in! It will fuck up your life twice as bad, and that's why I hate myself so much.

The event was one of the most painful things I have ever been through in my life and I've had 18 major surgeries (at the time 17, but you get the point) it wasn't romantic or special it was just him shoving his dick into my 'tight as fuck' front hole in my brothers bed at 7am while my friend was sleeping in the lounge room down stairs.

About a month later mum started questioning me, which I spilled my beans and was banned from seeing him. Which kind of was a complete mess because I'd just found out I was pregnant. I just let it pass and hope that the pregnancy test was wrong. They say the first 12 weeks is the most fatal and that is true. I lost the baby at 12 weeks, some of you maybe thinking 'how could you tell?'

Well I'll be honest, I squatted on the toilet bleeding extremely heavy chunks of blood for over an hour. And you're probably wondering how I knew that was a miscarriage, well I know because the first two pregnancy tests I took said positive yet I'm here now with no baby, right?

I hadn't told my mum I was pregnant either and to this day she still doesn't know. Maybe because she'd never believe me because she's always drunk, she's great tho I love my mum more than anyone, but if she hadn't of raised me so well, I wouldn't call her a mother, she's doing a terrible job raising my brother. He's just like me with my teenage attitude except he's 8.

Ever since I had the miscarriage 'back to the story,' I started seeing a boy about my age and a girl, she calls me mummy, and cries and holds onto my leg, but I can't feel anything. 'Why did you do this mummy, it's all your fault' it still happens to this day. The boy shortly disappeared, but when My cat hasn't cuddled with me before I go to my room of a night he appears. The girl, well, I still see her before I go to bed every night and won't leave until I give her a kiss, which is weird because I'm kissing the fucking air because this girl doesn't even exist! 'She's my imagination.'

Then the past 6 months, I've started hearing things, hearing people scream, hearing people tell me to kill myself and they won't shut up. They keep me awake all night so I sleep during the day, and they were driving me insane, so I took some sleeping pills and I guess now I'm lying half unconscious in the back of an ambulance.

Despite all the things wrong with my mental stability there is one thing and besides my mum, nan and brother that's kept me here throughout all of the shit, his name is Elijah, otherwise known as 'Lij Gilmour.'