Hold On Tight We're Coming Home

Chapter 3

I’m sitting here, in a hospital bed in a gown that doesn’t even cover my ass. How do they expect me to stay like this and for how long? Seems as though if I take it easy enough, my rib won’t puncture my lung but the bad thing is that now they literally have to lock me to my bed at night so it doesn’t happen again, chains and everything kind of lock. I feel like a prisoner who’s trying to escape, but really I’m just a pathetic useless scummy excuse for a teenager who really just wants to escape from herself.

You see, I’m a ticking time bomb. I know people love me a lot do yet that doesn’t change how I feel inside my mind. I’m an absolute monster honestly, I don’t do anything right and when my time is up and I finally am successful in killing myself everyone around me will be burnt and breathing in the fumes that I left off because I was to cowardly to breathe them in myself.

I couldn’t imagine the pain I’m putting my mum through, I mean honestly she may be drunk after dinner every night and my brother just plays the fucking play station all day. It is my fault tho, when we first got it I bought him Black Ops 1 for his late Christmas present. 

What about my friends you ask? Well they probably don’t even give a shit that I’m in hospital, I wonder if they even care to notice I’m not going to be at school for a while, then again I’m constantly not at school and I can get that sick I have to take 2 weeks off at random because I’m having breathing problems again. Half of the reason I want to kill myself is because of the pain, the pain is incredibly bad and I just wish it would end.

Another doctor has come in, he’s talking to my mum about moving me wards and admitting me as a patient that isn’t in ICU? I mean I thought this was already done but I guess it’s not. They’re going to literally lock me away, more so than they already have. I may be chained to my bed, and a ticking time bomb, but now what are they going to do? Take me away to a place destination unknown? Well I know where I am, just no one else does. 

In my mind, I’m in a dark place, where there’s nothing but death eaters. Yeah the ones from Harry Potter, and they’re taking away my soul and my care for everything and anything. I just feel like the life is being drawn out of me and eventually if I don’t kill myself my body is just going to stop fighting the pain. It’s very cold and gloomy. There’s nothing here but me, and my dark mind, my thoughts and my ‘imaginary’ friends. 

I’ve come out of my ‘zone’ I guess, I’m back to reality and they’ve decided to put me in the Banksia. How fucking great. I’ve been there before. It’s where all the kids who are psycho go. (I think i’ve said something about it earlier. I’m not too sure.) My mum is standing at the end of my bed. She doesn’t know I’m awake and can hear everything that’s being said. 

I see the boy, standing in the corner of my cubical. 

“Hello”. He says to me. I smiled back at him, there was no point saying ‘Hi’ back. Mum would see and know I’m seeing things again, other than in my dreams. “You’re chained to the bed because of your dreams aren’t you?” I feel like this boy, is my brain in the form of an invisible male human. He knows everything about me and it's beginning to freak me out. I closed my eyes tighter, wishing he'd go away. I don't want him around, no one does. All he does is stress me out and freak me to the living ends.

Mum taps me gently on the shoulder. "Halley sweetheart, we're going to shift you to the Banksia ward."

I just look up at her, from my chained state. "Whatever."

I couldn't take any more of my mums shit when she acts like she's such a good parent around everyone else, calling me pet names and shit. I mean this woman never says sweetheart, EVER. I just seriously wish I could move away and forget about everyone else.

"Can I call Lexi first please? I want her to know what's going on." I look at her firmly. She turns her head to the doctor as if to make the decision up to him. 

"Well, some people that come up to the Banksia ward usually get all communication cut off when they get in."

Does he not know I’ve been here before? Seriously I just wanted to slap him stupid.

Mum pulls him outside the room and closes the door. I know she’s trying to reason with him. I’m just hoping it’s not the same way as last.

After a minute or two, he comes back in with the key to my ‘bed chains’, he opened the locks and ‘set me free’ as mum handed me my phone.

“We’ve come to terms with you needing a bit of social outlet and for your safety of keeping the fact you’re here in complete confidentiality it wouldn’t be wise for you to not be on any of your social media’s at least once a day.” Mum smiled at me. “However, you will be monitored and because of this reason we have the ability to check your phone and go through it, so you have 10 minutes to download the photos you want to your phone and you may delete them if you don’t wish for us to go through your photos that could be somewhat promiscuous”.

I’m 95% sure, this doctor is high and that my mum is selling him sex, because he went from being all like “Oh well she can’t have her phone” to “hey have your phone but we have to monitor your every move.” Both him and my mum left the room so I took the opportunity to talk to Lexi while I could.

I rang her twice but she didn’t answer.

“Hello this is Lexi sorry I can’t get your call, please try later.”

I left a message on her answering machine. “Hey Lex, I just need to talk to you. I can’t go to Lij’s gig. I’m in hospital again, don’t worry about me because I’m fine.”

I placed my phone on the tray as a bunch of nurses came into my room.