ColdFlash- Soulmates

Chapter 14: Reconcilation

  It was the best thing in the world. That kiss in the woods, the two of them alone in their own quiet world surrounded by silent trees and soft shadows.Eventually they had pulled back for air, their foreheads pressed together, Len's warm breath tickling Barry's now tender lips. Len's arms were still wrapped around Barry's waist and Barry's own hand was caressing the back of Len's neck, fingers tracing the base of his skull and down the top of his spine. It was all... it was beyond words. It was relief and elation and a sense of love that was filling the speedster fit to burst. He had missed the older man so much. Much more than he would ever admit out loud, much more than he could stand to admit to himself.

  As he looked into Leonard's blue eyes he found that he couldn't think of all the bad those eyes been witness to, all the bad that the mind behind the eyes had been responsible for. All Barry could see was the evenings spent curled on the sofa or the mornings when Barry woke slotted into Len's side with his head on the older man's chest. The soft smile, the sly smile, the warm laugh and the gentle touches. All of the warm and happy memories that came swirling up from the recesses of Barry's brain, from the dark corner he had locked them away in all those years ago. All he could see was the best year of his life.

***

  It was with extreme reluctance that they parted. The two hadn't spoken a word since the kiss except for Barry suggesting they go. At some point they had broken eye contact in favor of closer contact, when they were pressed as close as possible, flush against each other with the speedster's face buried in Leonard Snart's neck.

   As soon as they lost that contact, Barry felt the cold hit him- even though it wasn't all too cool out in the night air. He looked at Len almost shyly before asking, "Do you want me to take you back to your bike?"

  Leonard looked at him as if calculating, planning- a Captain Cold expression. Barry had seen the look a thousand times before, it seemed to be an ingrained part of the man, but he had never seen this twist to that look while they were together. He couldn't quite put his finger of the emotion showing on the older man's face, leaking through the hard exterior, not until he spoke. Then Barry knew.

  "I am sorry," it was guilt. A quietly spoken revelation of the weight that Snart was carrying." I killed that man those years ago... I knew your feelings on that kind of thing. I... I put you in a place I shouldn't have.

  "I thought that... that thing that- that just happened. I thought that would be enough to say that I forgive you for not understanding or whatever it is that you think you've done wrong. Even though there was nothing to forgive and I was stupid and selfish and... and scared," he was blabbering, something that he never did- something which showed Barry just how desperate for forgiveness he was. Plus he had admitted to being scared- Leonard Snart said he had been scared?

  "I said it before and I will say it again Bear, you have a heart that is too big for this world,"he said that part calmly and Barry stood there watching him, unsure of how to react. The only thing that he knew was that he wanted to hold the blue eyed man again, to be held by him. He didn't want Len to hurt because of him.

  "I don't know why I did that." Len stated quietly all of a sudden, running a hand over his head and turning slightly away from Barry. Closing himself down to emotion as he had so often done those years ago when they got too big.

  "What? Shouldn't have done what Len?" Barry asked quietly, heart hammering in his chest with fear that the man before him would pull so far away that the speedster would not be able to reach him.

  "Kiss you. I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have been so cruel. I have been and will always be selfish, what you said earlier about this being your fault... no, no Barry. You never made me kill that man. You- you never made me try and- try and kill you. I tried to kill you Barry!" the tears were back, they dripped without restraint down Len's face.

  It was wrong, that was just wrong. His Len never cried, never ever. He was the strongest human being Barry had ever met, he'd never cry unless he was being torn apart inside, the tears meant that he was hurting badly. Really badly. And Barry hated it, he wanted it to stop. He stepped closer to Snart again but this time the other man backed up. He knew that it was because of the guilt his ex felt, like he shouldn't be allowed to touch Barry, but that was not how the Flash felt and so for the first time since they had arrived, Barry used his speed- he flashed forward and grabbed Leonard's arm in a grip that was just on the equilibrium between gentle and firm.

  "I'll forgive you Len, if you forgive me," Barry told the older man, looking into his eyes with unwavering resolution.

  Those blue eyes met his and the steadfast determination in the green pair seemed to stabilize Len somewhat. At least the tears slowly stopped flowing at the touch and those already there had dried on his face, his eyes no longer wet. Instead of them, Barry saw true, raw remorse and sorrow. It was that look that strengthened Barry's resolve and threw away any doubts that he had previously had. No more doubts about what he was doing, why he was trying to console the person that he had tried to hate for so long. Leonard Snart still had a light shinning within him, Barry could see it, maybe if they had bumped into each other somewhere else under different circumstances the realization would have come sooner. A light that had survived the darkness that had been his childhood, Barry had seen it . A light that had survived the relentless assault against it in a ceaseless attempt to extinguish it. In other words, it had survived Lewis Snart.

That look... well Barry couldn't help it when he leaned in once more to press his lips against Snart's. He didn't push it, kept it light but it was Len who moved forward and deepened kiss as if the contact was a life line.

  That kiss was shorter than the first, their hands doing less exploration because Barry knew that they had to talk if they were going to do this. Should they even be doing this? Yes, they should, they really should...

  It was Leonard that spoke first, despite it being Barry with the plan to talk things through. "You are someone I love Barry," he spoke quietly, eyes staring at Barry's neck rather than his face. "You are one of very few that I have truly loved, one of three... one of three people. One of three... and you could have died. You could have died because of me. Because I wanted it."

  Barry looked at the man before him, studying his face before saying, "listen, I forgive you. I am alive, healthy and I don't have a mark on my body from where you have tried to... to hurt me. I am the one who should be being forgiven for not having faith in you."

  That last bit brought back the trademark smirk and Len lifted his eyes until he gazed straight at Barry. "Fine, I feel guilty and you are stupid enough to feel guilty so lets put that aside. Forget on both sides, ones guilt cancelling out the other," Len said and Barry couldn't help but smile the older man's characteristically logical words.

  "Sounds good," Barry nodded slowly and subconsciously began to stroke up and down Len's sides from where his hands had been resting. "My friends... they know about us. That we used to... to be a thing in the past. You kind of gave away to Cisco that we knew each other. It's just, I don't know what to say about this. And if, when these friends tell Joe... well."

  Snart smirked at him and, not for the first time, was glad that they were practically the same height so that he could look directly into Barry's eyes, " then don't tell them anything about this yet. I will try and keep out of the Flash's way as Cold for a while until we can get this sorted."

  "Thank you Len," Barry said," I guess I should go now." He smiled a little sadly and pressed a quick, chaste kiss on Len's lips before zipping him back to his bike and taking himself back off to S.T.A.R. labs.