time,
was always
too fast.
it had only been twenty four ours since our last kiss, touch, and gaze,
hasn't it?
so why do i feel so numb?
i want to drown in sorrowful gulps of alcohol,
lumps of tissues,
clumps of hair,
and shattered glass encasing a memory in time where we froze in a frame that we could never go back to,
and i was the one to cause it,
because in all honesty,
i am stupid.
picking up a picture,
all i can remember is tearing it apart,
and letting the pieces fall slowly in place where it belonged,
the trash can,
throwing away memories were always easy,
but a part of me wanted to tape them together again,
and wait until the paper browned,
then i could restore until
it
looked
perfect,
like we never had separated our hands from how warm we were or how cold one was,
we were bound to find the perfect temperature,
despite seasons changing,
leaves falling,
flowers dying,
and snow blooming at the edge of falling.
with doubts still lingering,
and all i needed was just a warm arm to hold onto,
and the list of contacts slowly diminishing,
i
wanted
someone.
the words i listen to lingers around after years,
just listening,
providing,
comforting,
and i'm tired.
change is not a word foreign in my mind,
because of how familiar i am with it's concept,
and how much i despise doing so,
but i do,
and i know for a fact,
that this time,
i must change again.
the previous selves follow like a shadow,
and i want the light to fade it away where it can be perfectly encapsulated into warmth and radiance,
one of cheer, happiness, and all the good,
to replace the bad which i gave,
in words,
thoughts,
actions,
feelings,
the light never shined where i stood, i realized,
and it created a shadow in my heart that never ceased to exist.
joints of smoke puffed out from my lips,
a bitter taste,
mixed in with my tears,
it tasted better than anything ever had,
better than kei's cakes,
koushi's curry,
anything.
with shaking hands,
the beep of the dials that sounds as if mockery is waiting for me,
as i wait with what fragments of myself i can hoard to my extent,
waiting for him to answer,
because the the other won't,
or is it because i'm too scared?
i don't register the answer,
but i wait,
until the end.
