Individualist Thoughts

Day 2

Each day is like the sun trying to beam its rays through the clouds. At the moment, the fog is impenetrable. The battle between the sun and the clouds of this world seems ceaseless, they are destined to remain fighting. Hopefully, the sun will win. For the sun is the voice of reason. But it is always covered by lies and secrets.

"Innocent 3-9823!" I called. I wasn't free yet. But tonight, I would hope to be. For the second period of time in my life, my heart beat faster. I was so close to freedom, yet so far. I just had to convince the Council of Vocations to consider my thoughts. But it was a slim chance. Nearly impossible. But one can certainly dream, right? Innocent walked emotionlessly into the room. One look through their eyes, I knew what job to give them. "Street Sweeper!" Innocent nodded solemnly, and walked out of the room. But the look in their eyes didn't go unnoticed by me. I read the disappointment, resignation, and frustration so furtively hidden in the pools of their brown eyes. Finally! Exactly what I was waiting for. I yearned for members of this society to possess emotion. I longed to discover that Equality, International, and myself weren't the only ones with a heart.

But deep down, I knew I didn't possess I golden heart. I had betrayed Loyal. I had accepted long ago that this dark secret would haunt me to my grave, but it wouldn't stop the cracking dam, soon to release the flood of emotion. I can't rid my heart of its earthquake-like tremors every time she flies through my mind, free as an eagle. If only my thoughts could speak of the same freedom. The least I could do to preserve her memory was to give freedom to whomever I could find.

I promise you that Loyal.

A member of the Council suggested that we all turn-in for bed. It had been a long, and tedious day, choosing careers for people when they should be the ones making decisions in their life. I stared at them. All I had to do was open my mouth to say the words I had been longing to say all day. I steeled my nerves, and took a deep breath. My vocal cords worked with my mouth, an attempt to express my thoughts on letting each person choose their own jobs. But right when I started my sentence, I was immediately shut down by this arrogant member of the council.

I'm sorry. I can not seem to hold back my emotions. I am envisioning thunder clouds letting loose a torrent of rain over a flooding dam. When this "being" finished their paragraph of words, I felt like exploding. Their words were as fresh as the dewdrops in the morning.

"Opinion? There is no such thing in this society. Your seat on the Council of Vocations will be terminated if you ever utter a single thought of individual thinking. You know full well, Transparent, that our society is based upon brotherhood, not of individual thoughts. Good night, our brother. We will talk again once you have collected yourself." I was left speechless, in my own bubble of loathing for this society. After so many years of hiding my own thoughts, I desperately want to be free. I desperately want others to be free. If not for my promise to Loyalty, I probably wouldn't even attempt to think of freedom for myself. I wouldn't let the word float around in my brain, nor allow it to be written on paper, like in this journal. But someone reminded me of what true living should be, and in doing so, reminded me of Loyal all over again. My memories of her rushed to the forefront of my brain, never ceasing to recess.

The battle between the sun and clouds is still ongoing. But I fear it won't end anytime soon. The rain is starting to drench all hope. Thunder kicks in mockingly. Lightning fights back. A minute flame flares on the ground. Hope.