The Beginning or The End?

Introduction

I'm not in a good place right now. Life isn't good. I feel lost. Lost, like I've never felt before. There's a billion directions in which I could go, but nothing feels right. I don't feel right.

Anywhere. 
Not even in my own skin.

I keep trying to find the right way to go, the light so to speak. But all I see is darkness everywhere.

My friends.

They're there. But they don't feel there. I know I can always turn to them in a time of need. Like now. But I know they wouldn't understand. No one does. I need someone to talk to. To just spill everything but, I don't know who to turn to.

I am alone.

                                        ***

Wow.
I genuinely can't believe I actually woke up again.

Why can't it all just be over.

This has utterly been the hardest school year of my entire life. And not just school life but, life in general. I can't seem to get anything right.

Today.

I just can't. I'm so tired. Tired of everything and everyone. Frankly, I'm tired of being tired of everything and everyone. But no one understands that I have this void inside of me that's eating me alive and I can't find a way to stop it.

At least for the most part I think I seem happy because I know I'm known for smiling and laughing all the time. But it's all just me hiding all of the pain I'm in. Which is another thing I'm good at. Hiding. Hiding feelings, pain, frustration. Anything.

I'm just a person who hides in fear that someone will break my heart in some shape or form.

Which is actually what drove me to today.

Heartbreak.

Something even hiding couldn't prevent.