31 Days

Introduction

I sat in the doctor's office. I'm swinging my legs back and forth. Waiting... I don't know if I need to be scared, worried, or excited. It's a weird thing... when you've been battling lung cancer for almost 10 years... you don't know what to expect. You don't know if it'll get better, worse, or just the same old thing.

I got it first when I had turned thirteen, three months before my birthday. I beat it two years later. My high school did a big thing for me. There were a lot of people... some genuine smiles... some forced... some just look sympathetic.

It then returned when I was 19. I still remember the gut reaching feeling. I thought I was just going for a yearly check up... I was wrong.

"Ma'am... we're gonna have to have a looksie, here." I remember the doctor saying.

I got an X-Ray... and... they said that I had lung cancer again.

My thoughts were interrupted by my doctor, Dr.Berry, walking in the door. She smiled at me, "Umm... do you have anyone here with you today?"

I nodded, "Yes, ma'am. My best friend, Liam, is here with me."

"Would you like me to explain to him what's happening or can you pass on this information?" Her face went to more of a saddened smile.

"What is it?" The feeling in my stomach got stronger. Fear... the thing that has the power to destroy your whole life if you give it that power... right now it has all the power I can give it.

"Umm... Mrs.Collins-" she started.

"Please... call me Victoria." My hands getting sweatier and clammier by the second. My breathing gets more heavy. My heart beat increases.

She nodded, "Victoria... it always pains me to tell a patient I've been with since they've been here this... but... we looked at your charts. And... they say... that you have one month to live."

My eyes widened and my mind went blank. I thought the fear that I just had was the worst thing ever... when I look back... it's a piece of cake.

"Umm... heh. You're joking, right?" I felt my eyes get hot. A lump in my throat rising. A sudden wanting to scream out and weep in the middle of the room. HELP ME! DON'T JUST TELL ME HOW LONG I HAVE LEFT, ACTUALLY HELP ME!!! But I just had to bury it all inside.

"This is not something I like to joke about, Victoria. This is a serious matter... and we understand you are having lots of thoughts. We also caution you to take care of yourself. Don't try to harm yourself or others because of this news. You may have a lot of things you want to do with your time left. You are in a so so stable condition. You may go out with my okay. You don't have to stay here..." My mind was still trying to process what she was saying.

Now I know how my mom felt when they first told her that they found it.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAS LUNG CANCER?!"

"This is not common in people her age... it usually ranges from people in their 50's and 60's. Maybe even a little younger."

"DONT YOU LET MY DAUGHTER DIE!!!"

But again... I kept it in.

"Umm..." I took a shaky breath, "May I leave?" The tears building up in my eyes.

"Mrs.Coll-"

"I SAID TO CALL ME VICTORIA!!!" The room got silent. I heard people outside the door whispering.

"What's up with her?"

"Ruff day at the doctor's office..."

"There are other people here you know?"