Chain Reaction (Karmagisa) [ON HOLD]

1|Wasted Effort

Karma's POV

I growled as I picked up the pair of jeans. But one issue came to mind. It confused me, and it got me angry.

Who was it?

I soon felt oddly uneasy, finding the pocket and beginning to pull the phone out. The song stopped as the screen and its light attacked my eyes, the rather dark room lighting up just a bit. Swiping the notification bar down from the top, I couldn't feel anything as I read the note.

'Missed Alarm - 7:00 am'

It wasn't a call. It made sense, why would anyone even take the time to call...? Was I happy that no one called? Upset? I didn't have a clue. For a while, I've only felt sadness or hatred, so it'd make sense that I were upset.

Maybe I'm upset that no one cares.

That the people who "care" only act concerned at school. In fact, maybe I don't even know them. Maybe their concern was just a fabrication, just as fake as my mask. Even so, they still kept it together, unlike I. I knew I went past my breaking point, and I knew it was obvious... It had to have been obvious. Yet they completely overlooked it. But then again...

Maybe I'm happy that no one cares.

Maybe it's better this way. I don't need to feel false hope when I'm alone. If they ignore me, then it's more than fine with me that they won't stay against their will. If they were my friends, they'd stick around even at the worst times. Maybe I should appreciate that...

... Or maybe they really don't know...

... That would be impossible. Any smart person would know, and it only makes sense that they would catch on. I've broken down a couple times during lunch and even inside the classroom. In the middle of class. There's no excuse. They just don't care.

I let my thoughts wander off the leash, let them wander to the point where I couldn't retrieve them. That was probably a bad idea, because the knives in my chest returned. I was crying again, crying with the painful absence of tears. I struggled to even keep my face straight or emotionless.

I wouldn't be able to fake a smile today.

But that's fine. I don't think anyone will look over to see if I'm there. I hope not, I hope they just note me as absent. Maybe I'll just retrieve yesterday and today's work from Koro Sensei and leave. It'd be better just not to be around there... Maybe I could muster myself back together and catch up on my own.

It seemed like forever, dressing myself was like a fight to the death, as ridiculous as it may sound. I didn't feel like walking. I didn't feel like moving. I didn't feel like breathing. Although, at the moment, I wasn't focusing too hard on anything specific.

Almost forgetting my phone, I dragged myself back to the room in agony, shoving my it in my bag after retrieving it from the closet. I was honestly surprised. I actually got up this morning. I actually went outside, for who knows how long... Wait...

... It has only been one day, right?

I didn't even know anymore. I lost track of the time so long ago, it wasn't even like me. I sighed, my hands shaking as I locked my apartment door. My hands were shaking. I guess there wasn't any room for anymore shock anyway. Stepping down the stairs, I felt like throwing myself down them. Crossing the street, I felt like waiting for a truck to hit me. I waited for the tears to well up and flow down my cheek. Pfft, they never came. I looked at the time.

'9:28 am'

Did I really waste so much time in my thoughts? Sure, I can't object to the fact that it felt like for damn ever, but... Thinking about it wouldn't change anything. I kept walking.

"Oh, I'm fine. Throat hurts a little, that's all."

My breathing wasn't as ragged as before, much smoother. A small smile formed on my face. Hopefully it was believable enough. I stared down at the reflection on my phone, waiting for the reply.

"Oh, alright. I hope it gets better soon!"

"Ah, you don't need to worry, it isn't that bad-"

I was interrupted by my phone screen lighting up. It caught me a little by off guard, I think I even flinched. My brain was broken, its pieces too far away to fetch. But I seriously needed to get myself together, a fake smile wouldn't do this time. Snapping out of my thoughts, I turned the phone back on.

'Nagisa sent a message.'

Ding!

'Nagisa sent a message. +2'

Nagisa? I felt my stomach turn. Wasn't it class time? Maybe my time was wrong? Was it lunch? Why would it be lunch? Wasn't it early? He never texts during class time. My thoughts twisted about, I couldn't keep my mind set on one specific thing.

Ding!

I began to feel light headed again, I even needed to sit down for a little to calm myself down. I started to wonder when the hell all of this started. I pushed my thoughts aside and began unlocking the phone, which password I almost forgot, to check the messages.

'Nagisa: Hey Karma, are you feeling alright? It's been a couple days since I've heard from you.'

'Nagisa: Since we're on vacation now, would you like me to uh come over maybe?'

'Nagisa: I mean I could try and help you, being sick gets lonely...'

My eyes widened slightly. Vacation? What? A couple days? I thought it has only been one day... Ding!

'Nagisa: ... If you want...?'

I held my breath for a moment, almost involuntarily, as if I forgot how to breathe. There wasn't any school today? Since when was there a vacation? We didn't have one scheduled... I didn't think so... I didn't even know anymore. I checked the date to make sure, at this point it shouldn't surprise me if I were incorrect. I was just one day behind, but there was supposed to be school today.

I then put my attention back towards the messages. I wouldn't have to reply if it didn't tell him which messages I saw. I actually.. didn't have to reply... But then It'd cause so much suspicion. I almost forgot he just asked to come over. I gulped down a mouthful of air, almost breaking out into a coughing fit.

I still wish this message system worked differently, a system which didn't just say 'oh hey, they saw this'. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I sighed a bit shakily, my fingers trembling as the keyboard ascended from the bottom of the screen.