Under your own skin

Mirror

Waking up is always the hardest part of the day.
Thinking positively and making even the worst thing seem a bit better, just by forcing your brain to see the tiniest good in everything sometimes helps, but even when it's not, at least you tried.

But when you wake up you experiance this weird state, where the first thought in your brain is instantly how much you want to die, but at least not to leave the bed. And you can't help it, it happens in a milisecond and clenches your stomach in the next one. It happens because in a half asleep state you can't really fake happiness and positivity. You are just your truest self.

You just take a few deep breaths and pray that it's going to go away sooner than it did yesterday.

You climb out of the bed, get dressed, of course pretty slowly, hoping your responsibilites will magically disappear in the next half an hour. You walk into the bathroom, but you can still feel that tightness in your stomach.

This is the first time you dare to look in the mirror. Your hair is messy and dark circles are visible under your eyes.

"At least that spot decided to go away." You whisper quietly as you lean closer to the mirror, looking at your chin where a pimple was forming yesterday.

"You were really worrying about that one? What about the others, this one for example?" You jump back slightly as you see your image in the mirror move and point to her right cheek."One less or more, does it really matter?" She asks, raising one eyebrow.

"It does, the other is almost gone." You stutter as your stomach flips again.

"Yeah, for now. It's funny how everytime your skin clears up you think it's going to stay that way." She responds with a scornful look in her eyes. "You know it's adorable how you keep lying to yourself."

"I'm not lying!" You say a bit harsher than you should, but the only thing that looks back at you is your true reflection.

You let your head hang down and open the tap after a few seconds letting the cool water fill up your palms before washing your face with it.

You expect to see her again in the mirror, but she's not there.

You grab your makeup bag and search for your brow pencil. After some concelar under your eyes and on a few of your spots, you decide you don't want to do anything fancy today. Just a bit of powder here and there and then you reach for your mascara. You manage to do one of your eyes without smudging the black makeup everywhere and it almost feels like a small victory.

You're doing your second eye, you are focusing very hard, your face being only a few centimeters away from the mirror, when the image decides to move again, but luckily it's not as sudden as before so you don't stab your eye out with the wand.
You slowly move away, looking into the eyes of that smug little version of you.

"I've got a pretty good look of that scar on your eyelid, thanks for coming close enough. Do you still hate it just as much as you did in the past? I remember how much it bugged you. But it got lighter, what a shame."  She shakes her head with a fake smile on her lips.

"Yes, it did get lighter." You sigh. "And no, I don't hate it anymore, I'm sorry that it's not something you can make fun of anymore."

"Don't you worry, I'll find something else." Is all what she says, before the only thing you see are your eyes again.

"Good luck." You say, she still hears it even if you can't see her anymore, but you know it's harder for her to get under your skin with every passing day.