terminal; frerard

smoke

     gerard pov**

     i watch as the smoke comes out my mouth and outside my car window. it doesnt stay for long. it burns my lungs, and then leaves. the stench of it always stays though. i hate the smell of cigarettes. i hate the addiction. theres a difference between smoking for addiction and smoking for the pleasure of maybe it one day, taking the breath from you and taking you somewhere else. its like kissing suicide; but the kiss is bitter and full of death.

     sounds like most of the kisses ive had.

     the sun is still covered by dark clouds. not as dark as yesterday. although they continue to get denser. they move and dance. sometimes i wish they would come down from the sky and swallow me up. the stench of before-rain fills my car. it comes from the window, sucking out the smoke and putting in fresh air. oh how i love contaminating what everyone is breathing.

     i hear the smallest pop of thunder, somewhere far in the distance.

     when will it rain?

     the radio blares some awful music. i reach out and switch the station. the sound turns from god awful pop to a some rock song i dont even know the name of. i wish i knew the words, its nice.

     i check my watch, 5:16.

     thirty more minutes.

     i have a problem with being late for things, so much that i have to be early to being early. thirty minutes is a good marker for me. a good 'its time to go' type of thing.

     driving to the store, then to my destination isnt exactly preferable for me.

     i pass a few stores, the navigation says to turn left. i turn left.

     between a in the process of being painted walmart and a run down, sad little ulta beauty is a petsmart.

     i pull into the nearest parking spot, which, isnt very near to petsmart.

     hopping out of my car, i grab my wallet and rush across the parking lot. a truck pulls out but im already running right behind it. they abruptly stop and give me a nice, long, over dramatic honk. i give them a middle finger and a glare in return.

     the automatic doors open and i am greeted by one of the employees.

     "hello! do you need any help finding anything?" she says, way too cheery. its obviously forced. i brush it off, she might be nervous and trying to hide it with happiness.

     "uhm..." i look around, normally id say no and get whatever i need myself. even if it took me two hours. but i dont have two hours. "actually yes. my friend has a pretty high drive dog i... where are your squeaky toys?"

      "first aisle on the left," she smiles at me way to big.

      i rush to the first aisle and look to the left. sure enough theres toys of all sorts. i pick a random one and hope Bear likes it.

     i start back to the registers, looking at mt selection of a toy. its a blue kong in the shape of a bone. i squeeze it and it makes an obnoxious squeaky noise. perfect.

     the same lady, who is giving me a flirtful stare, rings up the toy and swipes my card for me.

    as she gives me the receipt i turn towards the door.

    "thank you," i mutter.

    "wait uhm," she says, i stare at her. wait? how about fuxk you. "i was wondering if i could get your number, maybe we could go out sometime?"