The Years of Riddle

Chapter Sixty-Two | Appleby Village, England, July 1997

Appleby Village, England, Chapter Sixty-Two

England, July 1997

There was nothing more magical to Silas than a baby. His grandson would be two years old in December, and he could hardly believe it. When they started trying to communicate and express more complex emotions, when their love went deeper than basic need – Silas loved seeing a person developing. He could already see what sort of person baby William would become; he was rambunctious and loving, the biggest one and half year old thrill seeker around.

Since resigning for the year, Silas had spent most days with Will. Estelle and Merlin were hard at work with the world thrown into chaos, and they felt better knowing their son was in the care of Estelle's father. When Silas arrived at the little house in the country though, only Merlin met him at the door with a sleepy Will.

"Estelle's ill," he said, stroking the soft dark hair he had inherited from Estelle. "She'll just stay in bed, I would just...leave her." Merlin look exhausted, and there was something in his eyes that made Silas simply nod and not ask any questions.

Merlin kissed Will and left, still wearing his worried expression. Holding Will close, Silas looked up the stairs, wondering what was really going on. "Come on Will," he said, tickling the boy's neck, "Let's have some breakfast, yeah?" Will yawned and nodded, and Silas put him in his highchair.

They spent the morning playing, reading stories, and snuggling; Silas felt at peace, as he always did when looking after Will. It was a rainy day, so they did not venture outside as they usually would. After lunch, Silas put Will down for a nap. He paused outside Estelle and Merlin's bedroom door, listening for any sound. There was a faint sniffling from within, and he frowned. Minutes later, he returned with a cup of tea and knocked gently. "Essie?" he called, and heard a faint 'come in'.

Estelle was small under the quilts, faded patches of burnt orange and fresh berry pink. It had sat on her bed at their home for years, and it was odd to see her curled under it, feet knotted in the sheets. Silas remembered untangling her in the middle of the night so she wouldn't get cold.

"You okay honey?" he asked, leaning over to brush dark curls from her face, half buried in a pillow. "Do you need anything?"

"Can you –" Estelle hesitated, and then looked up at him with perfect copies of his own dark eyes. "Just hold me for a while?" she asked, voice thick.

"Of course." He sat down on the bed, and she heaved herself into his lap, as if her body weighed more than she could carry. After a while, her shoulders began to shake with sobs, but Silas didn't say anything. He simply held her, rubbed circles between her shoulder blades. Slowly, her crying faded and she looked up again and sighed.

"I'm sorry Pa," she wiped her eyes, remnants of old mascara under her eyes. "It's been a tough twenty-four hours."

"It's okay," Silas squeezed her hand. "Everyone is under a lot of stress, it's fine to break down a little."

Estelle smiled, glanced at him from under her lashes. She ripped up the tissue he'd given her and sighed again. "I had a miscarriage last night, Papa." The words lay heavy between them, and she wouldn't look at him.

"Oh, Essie..."

"I wasn't that far along," she reasoned, voice thin. "But it was still so awful, and we were so excited."

Silas wrapped Estelle in his arms again, and remembered all the times he had done this. Estelle at three, lost her favourite stuffed toy at the park. Estelle at eight fell off the fence when she tried to fly. Estelle at eleven was scared to go to Hogwarts. Estelle at fifteen, her heart broken by a stupid boy from the village. Estelle at eighteen, visiting from Egypt because she thought she would never amount to anything. When Will got pneumonia. When it was supposed to rain on her wedding day. When Bill got attacked by Greyback. When she and Merlin had to spend all their savings on a new roof. Now, when she lost her baby.

"Why did this happen to me?" she said finally, head resting on his shoulder, hair tickling his nose. "I'm not an awful person, I'm a good mother and wife, I did everything I was meant to do – and I lost my baby." She covered her face with her hands. "I lost my baby."

"It happens sometimes, you know that." Silas stroked her hair, spoke softly. "It had nothing to do with you as a person Estelle."

She sat straighter, wiping her eyes. "I do know, I just...Will was going to have a younger sibling, Papa. An Anthea, or a boy I don't know."

Silas sighed. "And he will, just...not when you thought or wanted."

Running her hands through her hair, Estelle nodded firmly. "Yes, he will. I'm sorry you had to see this Papa."

"Estelle...you're my daughter, my eldest – I've seen everything." He cracked a smile. "Do you know how many times you've thrown up on me, or cried on my shoulder? It's my job."

She laughed, and the sound of it healed Silas just a little. Together they got Will, and went for a gentle walk through the garden. He coaxed Estelle into having a bath, and Inesa brought by some things for tea. Merlin came home, blew raspberries on Will's tummy and kissed Estelle tenderly, like no one was watching.

It was a warm evening, and when Silas and Inesa left for their own home, he turned to look back at the glowing windows. Estelle stood, framed by soft light, holding a sleepy Will. His grandson waved his heavy hands, and his daughter kissed his soft curls. She would be okay, he knew. The war would end; she would grow another life – life that would be nurtured in a better time. Silas hoped it was coming soon, he didn't know how much longer her could bear seeing everyone he loved in such pain.

A/N: so my life fell apart, sorry it's been a while.

Not much else to say, other than Silas is such a good father and I love him, as always.

Rose