101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 29

God wants you to know that everything passes.

Nothing is eternal, even the sun will one day disappear.

Remember this simple truth whenever you are suffering,

- that the suffering too shall pass, - and it will become easier to bear.

-God Wants You To Know (Application in Facebook)

Stan entered my hospital room as I look like a, well, a cancer patient. My hair is again falling, so instead of bothering to get a wig James just gave me a hat instead. My cheeks are puffy like it was about to explode anytime now. They've been testing me to different drugs; ones that make you feel better after years but for the meantime makes you feel that you just want to die right there and then. The higher the dose they give me, the more I want to just do mercy killing. To stop the treatment, to just let me die.

"Hey." He said as he sat beside my bed.

"Remember to tell my Mom to sign the 'Do not Resuscitate' and 'Do not Intubate' waiver once things go wrong. Sorry I just have to tell you that." He just laughed.

"I see how you're feeling so I guess no need to ask that." He looks at me for a moment and then looks away again.

"Obviously." I said. I didn't look like me anymore, I look like someone else, I look so horrible I don't know who I am anymore. And then silence. There was never a 'silence' phase whenever we talk, there's always spontaneity but strangely though, it feels comfortable and not awkward.

"So you're going out with that Enzo dude huh?" he said while looking down. I had this urge to just hug him but I didn't. I am too weak to even move a finger.

"Nah. We're just friends." I said in between breaths. I wish I hadn't asked Cassidy to increase my morphine drip, any minute now I'll be going to la-la-land of nightmares.

"So...." He looked at me then back down to the floor again. "You don't want to be with me again?" Of course I do! Sometimes Stan can act really stupid despite the fact that it's always been in his nature. He didn't look at me at all. I smiled to myself, still I didn't answer. My heart wants me to spend the remaining days of my life with him, but my brain tells me the opposite. What if by tomorrow everything didn't work out and I ended up hurting him destroying him even.

"If you don't want me to, it's fine. That doesn't mean I'll stop loving you. You're the only person that makes me want to be me. You bring out the best in me, well at times you bring the worst but hey you still love them anyway. You are the only person who accepts me for being, well me. And through you I started believing in myself. The whole 101 reasons thing is just the things James and I made just so you can realize that people needs you even if you will have to leave us in the end." He holds my hand and this time looks me straight in the eye.

"I know, death is inevitable right?" I said trying to sound funny. But he didn't laugh.

"You are my 101 reasons Ann. You make me want to live. Stop pushing me away. If you think that getting back together is a mistake then risk that chance Ann.