The Test

Chapter Nineteen

Layna

"Congratulations Layna, you're pregnant."

I stared at my doctor like he grown another head, "Excuse me?"

"Your blood work came positive for it. I'm going to schedule in for an ultrasound in the next couple of days."

I turned to look at Derek, and he looked as confused as I felt, "How is this possible?"

One of the lingering problems that had arose from my time with Timothy was that at some point he had stabbed me in the stomach, which had damaged my uterus. Because of that, the doctor had told me that the chance of getting pregnant, and keeping the baby full term was not likely.

We had experienced this once before. Around a year ago, during a routine checkup, the doctor had informed me that I was pregnant. Derek and I had been ecstatic; we never thought that we could have children, and so the news had been amazing.

It had been extremely early in the pregnancy, and I was about a month along. A couple of weeks after, I miscarried.

I had been devastated. For about a week, I couldn't even get out of bed, I had been so upset. Derek took time off work and stayed with me, talking through all the emotions that had been running through me at the time. It was hard for him too, of course it was, but we mourned together. We never told anyone about it.

"We're going to be extra careful during this pregnancy. Try to avoid anything that could stress you out, and don't overexert yourself," the doctor said, "I'll have the nurse call you to schedule an appointment."

Derek thanked him, and I just followed him out in a haze. He pulled me into an empty hallway, cupping my face in his hands, "Talk to me."

"I'm scared," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. "I want to be excited, but I don't want to get my hopes up and end up like last time."

I looked into his green eyes, and I could see that he was just as emotional as I was. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pulled myself close to him hugging him as tightly as I could.

He held me just as tightly, kissing my temple. "Whatever happens, Layna, we're going to be together, and that's what matters. We can get through it; we can get through anything."

***

"Are you still having nightmares?" Dr. Jones asked me, a notepad perched on her lap.

"Sometimes," I said, tucking my feet under me on the large armchair in her office. "They haven't been as frequent lately, but when they do happen they are still as bad."

She nodded her head, jotting something down in her notebook. "Having you started remembering anything from these nightmares?"

I leaned my head back, staring up at the ceiling. "Sometimes I'll get little flashes of him, but I can never tell if it's something that actually happened, or just my mind making stuff up. Sometimes I wonder if he even did all those things to me."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice gentle.

"I know that my parents would never lie to me, and I know that Derek would never lie to me, but I can't remember anything. I can't connect the guy I knew to the guy that everyone is saying he became.

It's hard to wrap my mind around it; I mean, he came into my life at such a difficult time for me and he helped me be happy again," I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling down my face. "I only have good memories with him, yet everyone around me is telling me that he wasn't this guy that I knew; that he was scary, and twisted and that he slit my throat and did all these horrible things to me, but that's not the man I knew. That's not the guy I loved."