5/17/17
Dear Diary,
This is my first entry in my new journal. I thought today would be a great time to start writing my feelings on a daily basis. I think it's a great time to start because today is my birthday. Exactly 18 years ago, my mother gave birth to her child, Avery. Yep, that's me, Avery Brooks. Its been 18 years and I'm still a loner who has no purpose in life. I've had so much time to heal myself but my depression still lingers. I dropped out of school after the 7th grade. The stress and depression got to me. My father was a drug addict and left my mother and I. I was forced to live with an abusive parent. She tore me down physically and mentally. She constantly told me I was a mistake and that she wanted to get rid of me. The constant terror in my life made me develop clinical depression. There is no cure. You have to be strong enough to fight it, but I'm no were near close. I'm emotionally exhausted and don't feel like trying to deal with life. I quit school so long ago because no one noticed me, I was invisible. I was a straight F student, I was failing anyways there was no point in staying. I don't know what to do with myself. If I could, I would stay inside and ignore life itself, but I can't. I must face the outside world everyday. But no one knows how I am feeling inside because I put on my fake smile, practice my fake laugh, and constantly say I'm fine. Luckily people only focus on my face and words and never look into my eyes. If they did, they would only see emptiness and terror. I wonder if they could see the suicidal thoughts? This was a long entry. I guess it's because my life takes a long time to explain.
