Clean Entertainment: #BattleTheBeast

Clean Entertainment

            The White Lady holds a teacup between her hooves in the Brakebills conference room. Seated next to her is the Royal pug, Honeysuckle. She gives the punk vampire across from her a begrudging nod. He winks. The gnome seated to her left leans in and whispers to her.

"I hear his girlfriend left him again, you know? This time for good," she whispers.

The White Lady shakes her head.

"I'm only here for clean entertainment."

Dean Henry Fogg's footsteps echo outside the wooden doors. All the creatures, human and not, murmur with anticipation. The Dean enters. He sighs at the table. He rolls out a piece of parchment.

"Okay," he says. His attitude doesn't match the excitement of the room, "Let's get this over with."

He takes out a groundhog and puts it on the marble floor. He dislodges an ax hanging from the wall. The groundhog scurries nervously. There are words etched into the fancy marble tile. Everyone is cheering:

"90s shows, c'mon!" says the vampire.

"50s Sci-fi Films!" "Classic Literature!" yells some animals.

"Shakespearian myths!" "70's sitcoms!" "Star Trek!"

The groundhog runs as the room echoes with the shouts. As he slows everyone grows silent. The floor's marble tiles have words etched into them with classic lettering. They are categories. 

Some are the categories that are being rooted for. Some have trite categories such as Classic Musicals. Others are far more obscure. The White Lady doubted it would be Black & White Noirs, Kabuki Theater, or Ritual Sacrifices. That last one was redundant in her opinion.

The groundhog sits looking dazed. Dean Fogg bends down to retrieve the animal. It squeaks nervously. Underneath are the words 80s Movies.

They are cries of different emotions. One of the dean's assistants, an attractive girl with a limp and crutch, takes the groundhog. The vampire gives her a lascivious look. She smiles, but when she sees the pixie next to him with pointed ears she flushes. Dean Fogg holds out the ax as the girl holds the groundhog. He audibly groans at the results on the tile.

He swings the ax past the girl holding the groundhog and smashes the tile. The tile shatters up into jagged pieces. The pieces slow in the air and turn into round coins with the familiar Greek symbol for probability.

All the coins fall together with a jingle on the floor. The meeting cheers.

"I've got it, Gretchen," Dean Fogg says as the girl puts down the groundhog to retrieve the coins.

The dean retrieves the coins himself. The girl goes after the groundhog. The White Lady notices this act and approves. Usually typical humans were so clueless about bodies that don't move as theirs do.

"Were you hoping for Star Trek?" the girl asks the pixie.

"Fairytale Re-telling," he says.

"You owe me five bucks already," the vampire says to the pixie.

The White Lady doesn't know if he's looking at the groundhog or the girl hungrily.

"How do you feel Abrams is handling The Star Trek francize?" the vampire asks her.

"That'll be all, Gretchen," The Dean says before she can answer.