We've all been depressed and suicidal before...But yet here we are, breathing in the warm and cold air everyday as if we will continue on with life forever, like there is never going to be an ending.
I usually realize I'm being irrational about something before I attempt suicide. But yet, this time, I wanted to die, Something happened to me and I couldn't bring myself to say to an authority figure what I needed to say... I am a coward...I am the biggest coward out there...
I tried to cut too deep I tried to feel something other then sadness but no matter how deep I cut...I couldn't seem to feel anything.
You know that cliche about how when someone is so depressed and sad and they slice their skin but yet can't feel anything? Well I learned it's not a lie. I couldn't feel anything, I cried..And cried alone in the shower with nothing but a knife and hot water touching my skin and I felt no pain, nothing, even as the hot water fell into the cuts on my shoulders and legs, I could only feel sadness, nothing else.
I thought to myself "Why is this happening to me!!!" But yet... Maybe I deserve this maybe if I wasn't like this, nothing would have happened, Nothing I do is good enough for them.
