Long time no see. Well that's what I would say if it had actually been that long since I've seen you. But it hasn't, I still see you almost everyday. You don't really see me though, which is fine I get it, life goes on, you find better and forget what used to be. I know I don't like you anymore but I won't lie I do miss summer. By far one of the best summers of my life, and you were the biggest part of it so yeah I'm not gonna lie, I miss the summer with you in it. I miss that time when I felt unbelievably happy and full of life and friends and happiness. It was the best.
I did lose a lot that summer too. Maybe not even exactly that summer but early fall my life started to fall apart. I lost my best friend who moved 22 hours and over 4,000 miles away. I lost you my also best friend and I'm not sure which one is worse. Seeing you everyday knowing I lost you or not seeing my best friend who is so far away from me I can shut those feelings off and pretend they are not there. Which I do with you as well.
But I tried to cope.
I made a new friend.
I thought she was the greatest thing in the whole world to have happened to me at that moment because I had lost everything and she was my hero who saved me from it all. She was my everything. I could tell her anything and everything. And I did. Things I told myself I would never tell people. Things I swore to myself that if I told someone that that would be the end for me. But she got it. She knew me. She knows when I can't handle life anymore. She knows when I'm so depressed and lacking emotions and starting to throw my life away like it means nothing and she knows how to get me out of it. She knows when we need to talk. She knows when I need help. She was my person.
But of course. I ruined that too.
I think we both blame ourselves for what happened and we have made up some what.
But it's not the same.
Our friendship. The relationship that we built together is not the same. I'm not sure it's ever going to be the same. And I don't think I can handle that. I can't handle not having my person here with me. To help me out of this rut. To tell me that life matters and that I can't throw it all alway for no reason. That I can't sit at home, emotionless, not caring what happens in my life, not caring what I do with myself and the consequences that follow. Because without my people in my life I feel hopeless. I fee like I can't do this anymore. Like being this good girl doesn't have any benefits. I lost everything and everyone. So what's the point?
That is why I need you.
I need you to help me. Even if things aren't the same. I need them to be back to the way they were. I just need my person back.
Please.
