I can't wait.
I. Can not. Wait.
I sit here and wait for the day when I can finally just think your name and it doesn't fill me with fire. Just thinking of your name boils my blood. How could such a small thing have so much power over how I feel? It's crazy to think of all the things that come to mind when I hear, think, or say your name. The memories, good and bad, the hate I have for your name now is one I hope to get rid of soon. I don't want to hate anymore. I don't want to think of it anymore. I just want to leave it in the past but you, you did a number on me that I for some reason can't get rid of. I try, and I try, day in and day out, I try. But you, you just can't leave my mind.
The fire you build in my heart and soul is to big to put out, and don't worry honey, I've tried. I don't want to sit here and think of you but it's hard to ignore a fire this devastating. So if you have any tips on how to put it out please share. Or maybe one of the other girls you ruined have a tip or two for me. Anything to stop hating you so I can stop thinking about you even if it is every six months I don't want to ever think of you. And at least when I think of you i don't want to be say up all night not being able to put out this fire.
You boil my blood. But I want to forgive and forget. I want to be the bigger person. Well actually I am the bigger person. Bigger, stronger, more loving, kind. All things you think you are but are not. So I can forgive, and I have, but to forget seems to be another whole struggle in itself.
So. I can't wait. I can't wait till the fire is put out and my blood is at ease and I can live and breath again.
