The Magicians: The 23rd Attempt (and why it mattered) By Ivory Curry

The Magicians: The 23rd Attempt (And why it mattered)

The 23rd attempt to kill The Beast ended no differently for Quentin and his friends than the other 22 before them had. There was always an anciently powerful yet clever and unique magical spell, ritual, artifact or creature that was summoned, uncovered, invented or exhumed by one or more of their numbers. There was always a mishap, or an oversight or a mistimed mistake that ruined magic in one way or another, and that caused the gruesome and untimely death of one or more of his friends, usually in the same morbidly ironic fashion. On the 23rd time, The Beast, like always, made sure that everyone involved in his attempted assassination suffered the most painful deaths imaginable— the most drawn out and thorough of these always being Quentin’s and Penny’s. Despite this though, the 23rd attempt in which the group prepared to confront The Beast was the one attempt (aside from the 40th) that mattered above all others for one simple reason: It marked the first time in 22 attempts that Quentin had made the entire group surrender to laughter. It is for this reason that this tale is worth telling 2 or 23 or 230 times; It is because in twilight of their darkest hour, Quentin and his friends  found levity and light.

***

They’d decided beforehand to use the summoning ritual that required only four of them to perform, but aside from the foolhardy Quentin, no other occupants of the physical house were prepared to volunteer themselves as bait for the plan.

“What if we do a cloning spell instead?” Margo suggested. “That way, only one of us has to be the cheese in this idiotic mousetrap.”
Eliot scoffed puffing on a cigarette. “Clearly you’ve forgotten about Bangkok.”
“Bangkok?” said Alice raising an eyebrow.
“Last time we did that spell was in Bangkok for the Solstice Social—”
“ — the plan was to maximize our time with the events.” Margo said remembering.
Eliot took another drag. “TL;DR: Four were arrested, three caused an international incident, two were nearly sextrafficked…”
“...And a partridge in a pear tree.” hummed Quentin.
Margo looked up at the ceiling in fond reminiscence. “I almost forgot that. And we made those silly hashtags too…”
“#Solstice2012...#Neverforget.”

Margo and Eliot laughed.

“Can we get back to the plan to trap the super-powerful homicidal wizard?” said Penny already frustrated.
“Penny’s right,” said Alice. “We’re getting off track. We still need 3 for the summoning.”
“So why not you?” asked Margo.
“I’m not opposed to it.” Alice said defensively. “All I care about is getting this right. We’re only going to get one chance at this so every minute is going to count.”

Just then, three familiar figures entered the door of the physical house, only one of them had the group not expected.

“We’re back,” said Kady following Julia into the common room. “And we brought accidental help.”

The imposing man behind them was none other than Henry Fogg, Dean of Brakebills College for Magical Pedagogy.

“Dean Fogg.” said Quentin. “What— I can explain.”
The Dean grinned. “Mr. Coldwater, if you’re going to send your friends to pilfer ancient magical artifacts from my office, you should probably not project your thoughts so loud that even the the remedial mindreading classes can hear you.”
“Thank you!” said Penny.

“Don’t worry,” the Dean chuckled. “I’m not going to expel you— yet. I’m here to offer what help I can.”

The Dean reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a shining golden ring covered with rustic etchings.

“The Ring of Barnum,” he said, “is not something to be used lightly or without instruction and yet you all have attempted to steal it. Go ahead, I’m all ears. Explain your plan.”

Alice grabbed a small book with the words American Artifacts of the 1900’s on the cover and opened it to the page marked ‘game magic’.

“Well, you see Dean,” she said pushing her hair behind her glasses, “Quentin had this idea on how to trap The Beast that came from one of the Fillory Books.”
“Fillory and Further: Book 3, to be exact.” interrupted Quentin. “In the book, this magician called ‘The Madness Maker’ was obsessed with games and challenged Jane Chatwin to a contest of wits. When she defeated him, her prize was a ring that could produce an impregnable barrier around the ringmaster and granted him invulnerability and the right to challenge anyone within to a game of his choosing.”
“When Quentin described it,” said Alice, “it reminded me of a ring I’d read about in this book— and when I researched it, the picture looked exactly like one of the rings I’d seen in the collection in your office. The Ring of Barnum.”

Kady sat down next to Penny and placed a hand on his. “We figured if we borrowed the ring from you we might have a chance at trapping The Beast in a game he couldn’t win, getting rid of him for good.

“First of all,” said the Dean, “At Brakebills, we do not borrow without permission— We leave that to the Hedgewitches. Secondly, while your plan seems simple enough, there are plenty of steps that leave plenty to chance; For instance, how you intend to get to The Beast?”
“We’ve got that part covered, mostly.” said Margo pointing to the summoning book on the floor.
“We’re using the same spell these Boxcar Children used to summon him the first time.” said Eliot. “Only this time, no one seems eager to volunteer.”

“And the game you’ve chosen?” asked Dean Fogg. “The ring requires the ringmaster choose one in order for its magic to work.”
Quentin cleared his throat, “Well, I suggested we play Settlers of Catan but— “
“No!” groaned everyone in unison.
“It’s really not that hard…” Quentin grumbled.
“We’re still undecided on that front.” said Eliot.

The Dean scanned the book in Alice’s lap. “That book is missing some crucial components of the lore.” he said.
Alice was stunned. “That can’t be? I looked through the entire library and this was the most complete volume in the entire school.”
“There’s a legend that goes with that ring that exists in the whispers of the magical community— a secret caveat. The ringbearer, like his target, is bound to rules of the territory which means no magic and no escape, magical or otherwise.”
“Guess that counts travelling out.” said Penny.
“Not only that,” said Dean Fogg, “but, like all the most powerful spells, there is a cooperative element to it. The barrier is shaped like a cube and so to has six sides each requiring an magically adept witness to maintain its impenetrability.”
“So there needs to be six of us— guess at least one of us is getting out of this.” said Eliot.
“Counting the ringmaster that makes seven.” said Margo. “We’re all stuck”

Everyone looked at the Dean. “I’m afraid I can’t help you on that front.” he said. “As Dean, I need to be here to defend the school— and since you seem so eager to summon The Beast on school grounds, I’d like to make sure the student casualties stay at a minimum.”
“Enough chit-chat,” said Kady. “We need to focus. Who’s gonna be the one to wear the ring?”
“I’ll do it.” said Quentin. “I’ll take the ring.”
“Of course you will,” said Penny. “You’re getting a total nerd-boner off this whole thing, aren’t you?”
“And what game will you chose?” asked Julia. “We know what we’re not  gonna play but that doesn’t help us much. We need something good— something he can’t win at.”

They all paused in thought, then an idea rushed into Quentin’s head. “I got it.” he said. “I can do a word scramble!”

Everyone’s immediate reaction was to groan but when they’d realized they’d done it all together, they were looking at Quentin and began laughing—  mockingly at first, but then genuinely, heartily and eventually manically. For that one moment they’d forgotten about the plan and The Beast and their inevitable and ultimately inconsequential deaths. For that moment, they were beautiful and carefree. And that is a tale worth telling.