Transdumbled

Chapter Two

Still laughing at my mother's misfortune of having me as a child, I make my way to the train. The Hogwarts Express sits on the tracks, the same cheerful red it is every year.

I'm starting my fourth year at Hogwarts, and I'm excited to learn new magic and see my friends. I just hope we dont have another incident like last year with Sirius Black and the Giant Squid and what they were caught doing and-

Its a story for another day. Trust me.

Anyways, I walk down the train corridor, searching for the compartment that held my dear best friend.

Severus Snape. How do I describe Severus Snape...?

Severus Snape is a pretty flawed person.

I heard his hair has only been washed four times in the past fourteen years.

I heard he tried to be in a broom commercial in Japan, but it went so badly that it became a meme.

His favorite movie is The Bee Movie

One time, he met Gellert Grindlewald on a train, and he told him that he smelled bad.

One time James Potter punched him in the face... it was awesome!

"What is up, my small, snapely, friend? Ready for another year at school?"

"If you mean another year of those damn Marauders taunting and humiliating me in front the entire castle and Lily Evans rejecting me, then yeah I guess I'm ready," Snape replied, flatly.

I felt something pull in my chest at the thought of Lily and Snape. I couldn't quite describe it. Lily was so perfect with her long, red hair, and her striking green eyes. I was jealous. And not jealous in a way where I wanted a relationship with her; no, I was too good for that. It was more like an 'I want to be her' jelousy.

But I could never let anyone know that.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad, Severus. They might have matured a bit over the summer and realized how childish they've been these past four years, and come forward to apologize to you for all the nasty remarks and relentless bullying they've done."

I pause and look at him, before we both burst into laughter.

"That was a good one, Albus! The Marauders?! Apologizing?! Hah!"

And speak of the devils

"What seems to be so hilarious in here?" James Potter strolls into the compartment, followed by Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

"Well isn't it obvious?" Black responded. "Dumbleboob said something funny. Unless you were thinking that grease boy over here actually said something worth laughing about?"

The boys howled with laughter.

"The only way he'd be able to make someone laugh would be pushing back his god awful hair and showing them his face!"

"Oh you're absolutely hilarious, Potter. But really, no matter how small your dick may be, just because you have one, doesn't mean you should act like one."

"OH OH OH! DUMBLE-BURN!"

"Quiet Snape! Its bad enough your stupid friends have to defend you. Don't make this worse for yourself. And as for you; I don't know who planted the idea in your head that I had a small dick-"

"It was obviously Snape! He probably talks about everyone's dic-"

"But I can assure you that its larger than average, and has gotten me more women in bed than women you have who hate you."

"Oh yes, I'm so sure of that! Let's be honest here, James. The only way you'd be able to get laid is if you crawled up a chicken's ass and waited. Now get out of our compartment."

"OH MY MERLIN. YOU JUST GOT YOUR ASS RIPPED OPEN BY DUMBLES! HE BURNED YOU SO BAD THE FIRE DEPARTMENT CAN'T HELP YOU! HE BURNED YOU SO BAD-"

"Okay! Severus please, sit your snapely self down before you pull something."

The Marauders had left the compartment, glaring at us as they left, leaving Snape and I to bask in the glory of winning that epic shade-throwing battle.

Today was shaping up to be a pretty great day.