TEEN IDLE

Chapter 5

I killed him
Even if it's not directly

I'm trying to not thinking about these feelings inside but ever since Dave was gone it's been the blackest day

The worst time of my life, I kept thinking and thinking about him

I ask my self over and over What happen to that sweet little girl I used to be.

I wanna be that person again but I've lost my self when I lost him.

I asked myself what's wrong with me and I can hear the voices inside my head answering my own thoughts it says 'everything'

What's wrong with me ? Everything

Maybe if I didn't exist the world would be a better place, I hope I can erase my existence, I hope I can disappear.. permanently.

Now everyday I can't even stop thinking about it. The reason why I refuse when Asher asked me to be his girlfriend it's because I'm afraid, I'm afraid if he finds out about my past, he'll never wants to see me ever again

Cause everyone who's know my past has cut me off their lives.

They all hate me.
God I kinda hate myself too

Now finally the day i fear most is ahead of me, where my past is reveal and all the things I've run away from is going to come at me.

The night sky is getting darker and darker I think it's time for me to go home.

"Chris I'm gonna go home, we'll talk about this later"

I go home and it's already lock so I have to sneaking up from my windows on the 2nd floor,

I lay on my bed and trying to get some sleep but I can't. Cause these feelings and these thoughts is running wild
inside my head, and when I force to closed my eyes, Asher's face suddenly appear inside my head

After i kept thinking about it over and over. I really love him ,

maybe it's time for me to change, maybe there's a chance for me

I promised myself that I'm going to tell him about how I feel about him tomorrow

I was about to fall asleep but my phones buzz and woke me up and I'm like
"Fuck!!.. seriously?"

I grab my phones and I see a message notification,

I got a message from Asher I think what a mere coincidence cause I just thinking about him.

It says
*Asher: hey I'm sorry but I'm not gonna pick you up tomorrow, sorry got something to do*

I text him back
*Me : ok don't worry about it :)*

Not long after that he calls me.
Asher : are you still up ?
Me : yes I just got in
Asher : well go to sleep! I don't want you to exhausted
Me : ok I'm hanging up right now

I don't know why he care so much about me but I kinda like being treated like that, it makes me even more and more like him

I slept through the night with my face turn red and blush

I woke up at 7am
I was just about to get ready for school before I got a text from him that said

*Remember no matter what's gonna happen I will always love you*

I ask my self "what is got into him..?"
I ride my bike to school it took me so long to get to school.

When I arrived and I park my bicycle Claire run towards me with a look of panic in her face