Live longer

Once upon a time

Once upon a time.

I had a simple , happy no-problem life. No one could broke it. Was to perfect. The apparance was perfect , i mean.

And this is the problem. Anyone could be jelous on me and my money and everyone did. One day i went to school and i was the most popular person there, and the other day i was gone. I was expecting i will receive some calls or some texts, but nothing. Not even one. I was destroied by my own problems but now my pain grows. I,m only seventeen but i know how to read a human. I read all my friends. And i predicted that . But i did not know this hurts badly. So I forgot everything. I forgot my road , my parents, my journal, my boyfriend and the hole life. I let down the steering wheel and i let my life go away.

"I am so stupid. I let just a thing like that kill me?" i should think, but i want this for long time ago when i found that my mother cheatet on my father with owr lawyer. And this was in her and dad's room. How can you do that right in his room ? And i say just his cause she's out of our lifes.But i was only 13. I was no fearless like i'm now. I didn't taste the adrenaline.And right now my mom is gone. It's just me ,dad and Liam. I'm not gonna kill myself if that was what you was thinking about, or at least no today. I love Liam to much . It's not like i don't love my father ' but he don't loves me. Why should i care about him when he goes every night at the club, get drunk and come back in the afternoon to see if his kids were alive. So Liam is the single person in my life that really counts for me and if i am gonna kill myself he will know about that. But my plans are not those. I wanna run away somwhere . Somwhere when no one will say to us "shut it" or "go to bed right now" . Where me and Liam can be free . But i need to wait until next month when i'm turning 18 so i can get a job to maintain me and Liam and not dye because we were hungry. I don't wanna dye like that and i'm not gonna let Liam die in shame.

I turned the car straight home because i need to see Liam before he falls asleep. It's twelve o'clock and i think he's getting ready for sleep so i better hurry.

When i am back home the same image of big , metal gate shows in front of me followd by lots and lots of bushes with dead roses on because no one has time for them.. Next the big, beige house is starring at me with a window open. It starts to get boring the same image, the same hour , the same place. A single thing is diffrent every night. This night Liam's window is lightning . He decided to stay in his room , Maybe i shoud go to make something to drink togheter before i'm going to say the big news. At least i can try to coushion it. I hope it's not gonna hurt that bad after everything is said. I hope Liam will still talk to me after . I'm still afraid about what i am gonna say and i don't even know how i am gonna say that . I can't go simply in his room and say " Hey! Pack your things . we are going to Washington." And neither that i can not say. He knows about the things dad does but he doesn't know that they are so bad. I love my dad. When i was little he was always with me , but after mom make out with a stranger he changed. And i don't like this fucked up version of him. I need to run from him and i am not that supercilious to let my little brother stay with him.

The drinks are done. I am going upstairs to Liam's room just to find the same bed ,the same TV , the same wardrobe and the same cotton blue rug. Again. Booring.This time he is next to bed with a book in his hands.

-Hey, Liam... What are you doing? i am asking whispering. He don't answer , but he is looking up and starring at me . I have something on my face? i say after two seconds, but he just move his head from left to right that meaning "no". If you wanna talk about something i want you to know i am here for you , i say after a while and i go an sit next to him on the rug.

-Today the police called.

-What is the problem? i am asking him with a calm voice to don't let him know i am surprised and don't discomfort him.He starts to cry and i hug him close. If you don't wanna talk i'm ok with this. But you need to tell me later , ok?

I am stopping the hug and i look straight in his eyes then he says : I can tell you now , but i need you to promise me you will not gonna be mad at me .

-Ok , Liam. But first i want you to know i will never ganna be mad at you. He stops crying and hug me again whispering a fast "thanks" and then he starts to tell me the hole story. He was at Mike's place to take lunch with him and some older boys .Those boys wanted to take Mike and Liam in theier group, but they said they want to make some kind of initiation so he has to throw a mini bomb in Mike's neighborhoods yard. So that's what he did. The cops was one street away and they heard the bomb so they came. He tryed to run but he wasn't fast enough. They didn't sent him to jail because he is only 14 and the damage wasn't too big. But a few minutes before i get home they called because they want to see Liam tomorrow at the policestation.

-I'm so sorry... please forgive me... said Liam .

-Dad knows? Or he is at the club again?

-He said he will go out of town for two weeks and we should not call him.

-Let it like that. I get up and go to the door when Liam is telling another " I'm sorry".

-Me too Liam, me too. And i go to my room and go directly to sleep. No brushing teeth , no changing chlotes, no making bed. Just sleep.