Reality is Elusive

Reality is Elusive (6)

I began to dread Algebra. I don’t know what it was, or that’s what I kept telling myself but for some reason, Algebra brought out the worst in me. I had to suffer through Algebra at least once four days a week, and in each of those lessons I learned less and less. Wednesdays, those blessed days, were the one day of the school week that was Algebra free.

That is why, two weeks  from my first day of school, I was sitting in Algebra trying everything my therapist had ever taught me to try and calm down. First the breathing, even breathing. Count four in, hold four, out four. Don’t think about anything but the counting. Don’t think about the teacher’s moustache, or the bird getting tangled in rubbish outside.

 When that didn’t work, I tried focusing on only one point in the room. To be honest that one never worked in the slightest, so I don’t know why I thought it would be different this time.

My last resort was going to my ‘happy place’. The problem with that tactic is that all my happy places irrevocably reminded me of Jennifer. Five seconds of bliss before reality would hit me and who knows what I might end up doing. Best to avoid that.

All in all, I was pretty much doomed to be a whacked out weirdo in algebra. There was nothing I could do to prevent it. I hope Hailey just took my oddness as a sign that I wasn’t a fan of math.

Lunch was the complete polar opposite of algebra. I spent my Lunch sitting with Hayden and his friends. My first lunch with the boys was meant to be a one off, spur of the moment kind of thing.

 The next day I had gone as far as sitting down with Hailey and her group, but it wasn’t long until their conversation bored me. My eyes constantly  flickered to Hayden’s table (yes, it is most definitely considered his property) and I couldn’t help but notice that the chair I had sat at last remained empty.

I longed for that wonderful spot, where I could be mere centimetres away from the warmth of Hayden’s body, and comfort and safety that was bought whenever I was in his presence.

I was pretty sure that at that point, sanity was one of the many things I did not possess.

Either way, I told Hailey I would see her later and made my way to that empty seat in between Hayden and Tom. They ignored me. Every last one of them. If I wasn’t busy trying to understand that undeniably feeling of relief that had just washed over me, I might have been offended.

“You again?” Scoffed Ricky, one of the five boys at the table.

“Aren’t you glad to see me?” I exclaimed with a smile. He shot a furtive look beside me, before settling with a simple frown that showed his disapproval. I followed his gaze, only to see Hayden glowering at Ricky, before quickly schooling his expression to one of mild disinterest.

“None of you guys are in my Chemistry class are you?” I asked to the group in general. They all shook their heads no, so I turned to Hayden and plastered my sweetest, most innocent and childlike expression onto my face.

“Hayden?” I asked, my voice taking on the slightest childish tone without any conscience effort. He reluctantly raised his head from his food, where he had been stuffing himself like only a teenage boy could, while somehow looking impeccable throughout the process. His eyes met mine, and briefly flashed with curiosity before becoming unreadable.

“You remember last lesson right?” I lilted. He reluctantly nodded his head. 

“Did you do the homework he assigned?” I asked him sweetly. He looked like he was planning to look away, so I leaned in a little closer, trying my best to keep his eyes locked on mine. He grunted in the affirmative.

“Well, I had a spot of trouble with it, and was wondering if you might give me a hand before lunch finishes?” Unconsciously, my hand fluttered to his arm, gently resting there without any prior order from my brain. Tingly.

He just stared at me with that unfathomable gaze, but didn’t answer me. Pouting a little, I gave it one last effort.

“Please,” I whispered.  He gave a deep sigh, before slowly rising from his chair.

“You just want to copy don’t you?” Hayden asked deeply. I gave him a cheeky grin in reply, and he heaved a sigh before making his way out of the cafeteria.

 I turned back to my lunch, and noticed that the four boys at the table were all looking at me in shock. Tom even looked a little amused. Disconcerted, I tried to concentrate on my lunch, but was unable to resist the urge to raise the hand that had laid so innocently on Hayden’s arm, and bring it to my cheek.

So damn tingly.