The Reality of Now

Twenty

The sun was glaring through the windows mockingly, almost blinding me.

"How is it your fault?" I asked Jules. Dog padded into the room, looking at us curiously.

Jules patted at his pockets. "We need to get to the hospital, now. Can we take your car? I'll drive."

"Um..." I retrieved my car keys from my pocket, "sure. Please, just explain what's going on."

Jules grabbed the keys from me and raced out the door. I followed him outside as he started talking. "I was supposed to get the brakes on the van checked because they've been a bit faulty. That was my responsibility, and I forgot." He lifted the keys to unlock my car and slid into the driver's seat as I went around to the other side.

Buckling my seatbelt, I suddenly remembered what Sapphire had asked of me at the wedding, just yesterday and I had forgotten, 'Saya, when you see him can you remind him to get the breaks on the van checked? He keeps forgetting.'

I ran a hand though my hair as he backed out of the driveway. "Sapphire told me to remind you," I explained. "I should've brought it up."

Jules glanced at me through the corner of his eye. "No. It has nothing to do with you. I shouldn't have needed to be reminded. And my best friend is the one paying for it."

Anxiety bubbled around in my stomach. "Do you know if he'll be okay?"

Jules tightened his hands on the wheel, knuckles whitening. "Dan said they don't have any information yet. Just that Cash was going to pick up his sister, Berenice, from her dance class. I leant him the van, because he left from my house. Then something went wrong with the brakes, and now he's in the hospital."

We travelled in silence for a few minutes. Jules took the back roads, hoping to get there quicker. "You've got to be kidding me," he mumbled all of a sudden. "These things take forever."

I looked up, and saw a train crossing the tracks ahead. Cars were slowing to a stop in front of us.

Jules sighed and leaned back against the seat. After a moment, he reached out his hand to lay it palm up between us. I tried to meet his eye, but he was staring straight out the window, a frown carved into his face. I lifted my hand to hold his, and squeezed tightly. His fingers wrapped around the back of my hand, and he seemed to relax, the tension falling out of his shoulders.

It took me a while to find my voice. "Jules, I'm so sorry I was mad at you earlier." He turned to face me, and I had to force myself to keep going. "Of course, I've never not known where I was going in life, so I can't relate to how you feel. But that doesn't mean I had the right to get mad at you for being confused. You deserve the time to discover what you want out of life."

The corner of Jules' lip moved up just the slightest, and I felt a weight leave my chest. "I understand why you were worried about me. You're right, Saya, I should take the time to think about my future. And I'm sorry I got so defensive. You were just looking out for me. I shouldn't have yelled."

I took a breath. "So I'm forgiven?"

"As long as I am."

"Then we're both good," I said.

Jules nodded. "We're both good. And I may not know what'll happen in the future, but I do know that I want you there with me."

I felt myself smile, and I tightened my grip on his hand. "There's no place I'd rather be."

Returning my gaze to the windshield, I realized I could see the back end of the train. "Hey, its going," I told Jules.

He looked up. "Right. Let's go see Cash."