Occhiolism

Cocoa

She's sitting across from me.

She hasn't talked to me yet.

She's washed the blood away and given me new clothes.

I've avoided eye contact.

But I have to speak to her.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly."

She looks up, her gaze gentle.

"Oscar, I'm not mad at you. It's not your fault."

"But it is."

She stands up and places her hand on my shoulder.

"Oscar, you had to help him. It doesn't matter if it was on our wedding day. I don't want to marry a man if he hates me for not letting him help his best friend through depression."

"But, Lilly."

"Stop worrying. You had to help him. I don't care how much time it takes. I love you. I'll let you go."

"Lilly, I-"

"Shh". She hugs me.

I feel the guilt bubbling up inside of me. She doesn't know what happened. But I can't bring myself to say it. I love her so much.

She talks with me for a while, and I feel better.

My heart has stopped racing. I've come back to my senses.

I'm sitting on the sofa, sipping my cocoa. I'm wrapped in a blanket and she's sitting next to me.

I feel safe with her.

She knows what's best for me.

We stay up till eleven. Then we go to bed.

The room is dark. I can hear a few people outside.

The few people still awake.

The few people who still haven't found what they need.

And I need Lilly.

I need her to live.

The sheets are light. I can feel the wind though them.

I'm staring at the ceiling.

I can still feel the guilt.

But it's dissolving.

It's leaving me.

I'm getting angry.

I can't believe Logan now.

Logan was the one who made me do this.

He lulled me into this love.

He's just going through a phase.

It's just the way he is.

He doesn't love me.

It's exhilarating for him.

He likes playing around with people's feelings.

So much power.