If I will walk past you after all this time, will you look at me?Will at least say hi to me?Cause I won't.I will look at you, smile, and walk forward.I will try to seem happy and indifferent at the same time, and I won't say a word to you.Just like two strangers.Because that's what we are.No, that's what we became.
If I walk past you after all this time, will I feel something?Probably I would cry after I get home.Probably I will feel the butterflies I felt on our first date and...probably a lot of sadness.But I will try to smile, to be okay, to move on.To accept the fact that I love someone that doesn't care about me.
But I saw you this morning from the bus.You had the same mysterious air I once fell in love with.You're the face I search when I'm a crowd, and your eyes are the single things I cannot look at anymore.Cause I keep searching you in every person I know.But, the problem is not that no one else is like him.The problem is that no one else is him.He's not the kind of person that you can easily replace.He is not like me.
I know he is happy now, but it was painful.Painful to watch him from the distance as he walked by, even if he didn't see me.I wonder what is his last wish before he falls asleep, and his first thought in the morning, when he wakes up.
It wasn't just the way he touched me, or kissed me, or held me.It was the way he looked at me, his laugh, his smell, damn, I loved his parfume, I loved his shirt, I loved the way he was walking.He is me in a mirror, just more darker than me, more depressed, more fucked up.
I'm still talking, or maybe kinda praying to his best friend that died.I don't know his name and I never met him, but I'm crying for him.I feel like I miss him, like I want him back to life too.I don't know if he's really hearing my thoughts when I ask him to look out for my ex. 3 or 4 January, won't forget this date tho.
When I will walk past you, I will feel again all the pain and the happiness and the memories.All the butterflies and the emotions I had every time you would come to pick me up after school.Every smile and every tear I had because of you.It's that ''everything'' that it's probably a mess I try to keep inside in a cage full of my grey clouds.
So I will walk past you, I will look at you and smile, and you will just walk away.And I will do this over and over again until I won't search your face in the crowd anymore and until I won't smile or look at you at all.Maybe that's the cure I'm still looking for.Cause I already searched a lot of places and a lot of people, and I haven't found it yet.I don't know what it looks like or how it feels but I will know when I will find it.
So what am I waiting for?For the emptiness I already have or for the nothing I already received?Today is that day.I don't hate this day cause it's Valentine's day and I'm single, no, that's stupid.I hate it cause it's the night you told me you want me.The day when everything began and the place where my wings started to fly more than they should.
I feel you in my chest more these days.I see your face in my mind more these nights.And it doesn't matter how high I'm climbing, how fast I'm running or how far I'm walking.It's that moments when all I do is staring through the window ignoring everything, concentrating on the thought of you.I wonder if you ever looked at me and just thought ''I'm so lucky that she's mine.She is beautiful and I love her''.
Maybe it's cause I couldn't walk away from you.I would still run back to you, no matter how far I already walked.And I let you go, I let you go everyday.I promise.I promise that yesterday I loved you more than tomorrow.And I promise that the moon still loves you more than I do.But I promise you that 'she' won't love you more than I did.
