Writing my Destiny

Kabanata 1

"God knows best, baby. God knows best."

Those words were whispered into the ear of a kid named Kira. She was at the funeral of her mother, who had died for a reason she couldn't seem to accept. A shallow smile made its way to her lips.

Kira had been very close to her mother. They are the closest member in their family actually, and loosing her has a big effect on her. It seems so unreal, so unimaginable.

The remark came from a well-meaning family friend, but Kira found it more caustic than comforting. Maybe it is supposed to be a console but end up contumelious. Wrong choice of words. Doubtlessly wrong choice of words for a young girl like her who's currently grieving.

"Her death wasn't for the best," she kept repeating to herself. "It wasn't. It wasn't."

As Kira came to see, it can take a long time for someone to overcome grief, to escape from tender sorrow, to move on from a tragic memory, especially when the bereaved person was very close to the deceased. It breaks into our lives with irresistable force, often when we are completely unprepared, and it robs as for those who hold dear. None of us are immune to its ravages. Worse, out of too much pain, many people end up feeling emptiness. So it is not surprising if we feel at a loss when it comes to coping with death and its aftermath.

But how can we cope up? How can we move on? Is it bad to cry sometimes? Is it inappropriate to be yourself just for a couple of seconds?

Grievance . . .

"Drama for this time?" Awtomatiko akong napapikit nang mariin habang kagat-kagat ang labi, pinipigilan ang sarili upang hindi tuluyang masigawan ang istorbo kong kapatid. Na-dysfunction tuloy ang flow ng aking pag-iisip nang dahil sa kanya. Except from the instability of my memory, my thoughts can easily be distracted. Fish tea.

Ni-save ko sa drafts ko 'yung nasimulan ko nang itipa. After I shut my laptop down, I turned around my swivel chair to face her.

She is wearing her usual attire. A violet fitted silky dress that matches her boots that has heels of three-inch height. She's going to school-kind of stubborn for not wearing her uniform.

"Nah," iling ko. "Advisory article, continuation for the new published brochure of our Campus Chronology." My eyes are shut while speaking. "At the same time, critiquing a certain article, and found out it's plagiarised-copied from a certain magazine."

Seryoso, nawalan ako ng ganang makipag-usap. Although buo pa rin 'yung ideya sa isip ko, ang eksaktong linya na akin na sanang ilalagay ay tuluyan nang na-efface and liquidate. Sayang. Mukhang nangangailangan na naman ako pinagpares na isda at tsaa.

"Hindi ba't kapapasa mo lang ng manuscript? Iba na naman 'yan?"

"Para sa campus 'to, Shi. Iba 'yong ipinasa kong manuscript na tinutukoy mo. It's for a famous and respected publishing company. They offer good service and reliability. How I wish it will work. Pinaghirapan ko 'yun nang husto. Doble ang effort ko sa usual na nobelang isinusulat ko." It took me a couple of months to finish it so I can't really wait for its publicity. I just really hope they are good in handling things even to an undiscovered writer like me.

"Hindi ka ba nababaliw riyan? 'Yan na lang ang laman ng isip mo. Buti hindi mo ginagawan ng nobela 'yang mathematics tuwing may quiz kayo?" she joked, though it might be possible. "Pero hindi makakalampas sa akin ang balita. Economics, seriously?! Tinatanong lang kung ano ang connection ng production at consumption pero anong ginawa mo? You made a very long essay which was required to be only one paragraph."