Exposed

Chapter Sixteen

"Alright, I've stayed away long enough! You know, your birthday present is still sitting on your desk!" Hugh exclaims through the phone. I inhale, bracing myself as I prepare to tell yet another important aspect of my life that everything's suddenly changed.

He's eerily quiet as I tell him as I tell him my hasty steps to marital bliss, to motherhood. He's mostly silent at first, just like Veronica was when I told her. By the end of my rant, he has recovered.

"I don't even know what to say."

"I don't blame you," I sigh.

"What does this mean for work? Richard is waiting on all big decisions until you get back. You know he likes to have your approval on everything now."

"I need to speak with him. I'm going to find a daycare, today if possible, but this is not going to be an easy transition. Charles... well, he just lost his mother. He needs affection."

"Yes, but you just got this editor position not even four months ago. Emma, you need to also think about your life here. This kid is two, you said?"

"Almost three—"

"You have about another sixteen years with this child. If you lose this position, you may never get it back!"

"I'm not going to lose it, Hugh. I'm just going to fluctuate my time for the first few months."

"You need to call Richard, like today."

I nod. "I am. I will when I hang up with you."

"Are you okay, Emma? Like honestly?"

It takes me a moment to actually answer that question. "Sometimes, it's great. Charles is great. Matteo is great. And then sometimes..."

"You wanna pull your hair out."

"Exactly."

"Well, you're a better person than I am, by a fucking landslide. I personally don't think I could have stayed."

I press my lips together, looking out the window. "Matteo is worth it."

                                                            ***

"How did the call to your boss go?" Matteo asks, glancing up from his composition papers. I set Charles sippy-cup lid into the cabinet.

"He was really gracious. Told me to take the rest of the week off."

"Wow."

"Yeah, he was inquiring about the future though, what we're going to do."

He nods. "I can see about finding a daycare."

"I've been looking... I just worry about a daycare so soon after losing her. I don't want him to feel like we're casting him away."

"Emma, we will figure it out. We'll make sure he has our attention at night. He's not going to feel deprived."

I stare at him as he turns back to his work, holding my tongue.

Yeah, well, you work at night.

I take a deep breath to calm myself and turn to the fridge, reaching for juice.

                                                            ***

Like clockwork, Charles wakes missing his mother at 2 a.m.

I rub his back gently as he cries onto my shoulder, silent tears. They are the worst. They make me feel the worst.

"Mummy."

I close my eyes, my heart aching for him.

"I wa-ant Mummy."