after answering several questions about harry and how i met him to the cops, justin and i were finally allowed to go home- which i was glad about because i felt so used and disgusting and just needed a shower and sleep. we got into the car, me on the passenger side and justin in the driver's side. justin's left hand was steering, the other was gripping my thigh for reassurance and every so often he would look over at me to see if i was alright.
he probably thought i was angry with him as my chin was leaning on the right hand, while i looked out the window. to assure him that i wasn't, i placed my left hand over his hand that was on my thigh. i looked over at him, to see him already looking, and smiled at him whilst rubbing my thumb over his hand.
about 20 minutes later, we arrived home because i wanted to stop off at starbucks because starbucks is life and i craved it bad. justin's phone began to ring and it was the police. he headed into the kitchen and threw the keys onto the kitchen island, whilst i turned back up the stairs and into my bedroom with my soy latte. i threw my heels off, took my hair out of the ponytail and changed into one of justin's big shirts before jumping on my bed and lying down.
i threw my phone down next to me, and tears began to pour out once again. flashbacks of the event began to appear in my mind again, making me feel mentally and physically sick. i placed both hands on my forehead, as i thought about how stupid i was and all the possible things i could have done to stop it from happening. i let some disgusting man rape me. well, at the time he was cute but now all i see is the bad in him.
i got up, picked up my phone and headed over to the balcony, where i had set up a little area where i could go when i was upset and needed some air. it was simple, but comforting and had seats and a mini fireplace between them.
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i sat on the seat closer to the railings, and started watching the sunset while rocking back and forth on the chair with my legs to my chest and my arms wrapped around them.
then, justin came out and took a seat on the other chair and looked over at me.
"so this is where you always disappearing off to?" justin said with a half smile on his face.
i returned a small smile and took a breath. there was a small amount of silence until i broke it.
"i tried my hardest to stop him. i kicked, punched and screamed. he was too strong". i croaked out.
justin came over quickly and hugged me and rubbed my head, which was soothing and calmed me down. i felt him hug me tight as if he never wanted to let go, the amount of love he put into the hug was special.
"come on baby, you're gonna make me cry. you know you tried, but let's try and forget about it. okay?" he whispered and rocked us to the sound of the wind.
our moment was interrupted by his phone ringing. we broke apart and justin took his phone out his pocket and looked at his phone. he turned his phone so i could see the screen, and the police were calling again.
