The Curvy Road *On Hold* See Profile for Info

4: I Need A Little Help Here

Luka’s POV:

“What the fuck were you thinking Markoff?! Do you honestly not realize how offensive this damn thing is?! Did you even think about what would happen if she decided to sue?! Jesus! What the hell would possess you to do such a thing?”

After a few good knocks from Dean in the hall, he had the sense to pull me into his office. If it hadn’t been for the look on Raylan’s face when she saw his fist connect with my jaw, I would have fought back. But the look of disgust, hurt, and pleasure (no doubt from my pain), stopped me from kicking his ass to get to her.

Instead I took his punishment. Hell, I would have done the same thing. Thinking on it now, I couldn’t believe how thick I was –to think it would work- that she would actually agree to such a proposition.

And that was exactly what it was. A proposition. She was right, I made her no better than a common whore, no matter what intentions were behind my actions, that was the reality of the situation.

“I love her.”

I had hoped that simple –yet powerful- statement would appease him. It hadn’t. For all of 5 seconds he stood there staring at me, jaw dropped, eyes wide, than he attacked me again. The fury behind his impact was beyond what it was before. Each hit I took was worse than the pervious.

He poured all his rage into his impact, the feeling of my bones shifting under the weight of his blows was excruciating. I didn’t have time to block any of his blows before another hit. One right after the other, one from the left then from the right, he used both fists.

Finally after –what felt like hours- he stopped, slumped against the small couch. His breathing heavy as he panted to regain his ability to speak.

“I always thought better of you! I admired the man I thought you were. To leave that life behind to start fresh, to be and do better…I envied you for it! Now…now I can’t even look at you, killer.”

I stumbled back, not from the hits I’d taken, but from the pure venom in his voice as he called me killer. I hadn’t heard the nickname for nearly 8 years, but the memories of my past flashed before me, reminding me of the monster I once was.

The monster that would never deserve the love of a good woman like Raylan.

“I was afraid. I was scared shitless she would never want me! Do you know what it’s like to watch someone for 3 years, to love them and know you will never be able to have them! Yes, I know what I did was stupid, beyond stupid, but what other choice did I have?!”

I screamed, the anger with myself rising as I looked at Dean. The looked of utter disgust clearly displayed on his features making me cringe at the thought of losing him as a friend for my damned mistake. I had already lost all hope of ever being with Raylan, now it seems I have lost the only person I had trusted with my secrets.

“You had plenty of choices. Had you opened your fucking eyes, you would have seen- you know what, never mind. Just do yourself a favor and leave her alone. She doesn’t need a prick like you in her life.”

With that he got up and walked out of my office. I was almost curious enough to ask what he meant before he cut himself off, but knew better than to ask at the moment. I wasn’t sure my face or my pride could take much more from him.

Besides, he was right. She didn’t need someone like me in her life. I would only fuck it up more than it was already. Guilt and shame ran havoc through me, she had so much to deal with already and I only added to her stress.

I would make it right.

Even if it meant never seeing her again, I would atone for my horrid mistake. I had the perfect way to show my sorrow for what I had done. If I couldn’t have her, I could help give her the one person she needed most in her life.