Hopeless In New York ( Monterèal Series #1 Book 2 )

Chapter 49

Letters and Dignitas

" Pagod na ako, Theo " I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder.

The overlooking view of the beach somehow calmed me " Come on, let's head back home " anyaya niya saakin.

He didn't seem to get my point, akmang bubuhatin niya na ako pero pinigilan ko siya.  " That's not what I meant "

Sandali siyang napatigil at tumitig saakin " No " He firmly said.

He's difficult to convince.  " Ayaw mo ba akong makapagpahinga? " tanong ko.

" Sapph, paano naman kami nila France? Iiwanan mo na lang ba kami? " he asked, no, it was more like a statement.

I held his face and stroked it.  " Everything has changed, I know that you know that my illness is a lifetime, Any moment, I may come back into a mental institution "

" Loving is the only thing I know, I spent my time with you and our kids, It was more than enough and I couldn't ask for more... you and our kids were the best thing that ever happened to me " I smiled.

Tears started to fall in my eyes, my chest is hurting and he's hurting too, I can see it on my his eyes " Sapph... hindi ko kaya, hindi ko kayang wala ka " he sobbed on my chest. Alam kong masakit, Theo.

" Mas hindi ko kakayaning makita kayong mahirapan, my condition is uncertain, walang kasiguraduhan kung hanggang kailan ako mabubuhay "

Sleeping peacefully and knowing that my family is stable are my last wishes. Ayaw ko man iwan sila, kapag naglaon, ang aking sakit ay makakaapekto nanaman sakanila.

" You are just 28, I wish you'll find someone who's not disabled, won't burden you---- "

He hushed me by a kiss.  " No one can replace you, always remember that "

It will always be okay for me for Theo to find his another partner in life, A second shot of love, but I must admit, part of me was feeling a pang of jealousy but I do not want to be selfish as well.

" Is that what you really want? " he asked.

Tumango ako at ngumiti ng bahagya
" France and Fort, I'm doing this for them, I don't want to be a burden to you anymore, to them"

My incapability of walking took a whole different story, instead of helping them, nagiging pabigat ako.

" You were never a burden, Sapph"

Their was a facility in Switzerland, specifically ' Dignitas ' this is to give dying assistance, to live with dignity, I also want to die with dignity. It was difficult for everyone to accept my decision, but no matter how much they cry in front of  me, I'll never change my decision and I have no regrets.

Maproseso ang dignitas, I have to make sure that I want to do it because I want it, nang makita nila ang kondisyon ko, isang lumpo, finally, they approved it.

It was spring, the flowers are blooming, Bago ako pumuntang Switzerland, I want to spend my last moments with them. I found myself near the lake, it was a very pleasant day. I brought out the box I made.