Being between life and death

Demons make holes.. i want to bury myself in

I've been fighting these demons for a while now. It gets hard and sometimes most times it gets really hard and some days you want to sleep and sleep and on those days you wish you never wake up. Your own mind wants to die but at the same time you know you want to fight. Depression is fighting to stay alive while your mind says don't. I don't even know if that makes sense but it does to me. I've been trying for seconds days and months to get across this sea of depression. Paddling this make believe raft that slowly is getting holes and right as I start to sink they somehow are fixed. Makes me think hey maybe I want to stay and the raft will be fine for a while.
I'll be stable for a while
Until another small remark or the way I walk bothers me. There it goes again my make believe raft getting small holes again. I try to cover them up but then another thing happens. I have a test next week and my grades are pretty bad maybe I should fix them but I really need to make time for friends but I can't because they probably don't even want to see me but at the same time when they do I make excuses like sorry can't go I have a chore to do. feelings of depression and anxiety start to kick in again and then there goes the raft sinking again. But a stranger smiled at me something that small and tiny. A wave hello or a smile from the boy with long sleeves but sometimes that all I need to give me that ounce of hope to keep going and patching up holes.