trouble | i.g

twenty one - "lithium"

Bella's POV

*3 weeks later*

Ian had called me over by cell, saying that he wanted to have a mature conversation with me, and that only scared me. From the months of knowing him and his ways, I definitely knew something was up with his ass.

"What's going on?" I said accusingly, coming to a halt as I just finished sprinting over to his house like a rabbit, casting him a worried and suspicious glance. Ian was looking at me hard, eyes slightly apologetic and desperate as he sat on the bottom step of his front porch. Oh, something was definitely wrong.

I took a few more steps closer to Ian until our clothed knees were touching each other. Ian grabbed my forearm and held it right in his grasp, staring straight into my eyes. He lifted up my hand so my palm would face his, bringing it up close to see the cut slashed across my skin. His thumb lightly bumped overt the cut, and when I winced, he dropped my hand and looked further apologetic.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He told me, his voice sounding raspy as if he's ill and I don't think it was just about the cut.

"You didn't hurt me." I whispered even though there was literally nobody around us at the moment. I blinked once like tears were gathering, and they backed off with a mutter.

Ian was staring at me in a way somebody savors something they aren't going to see in a while, like parting couples in airports. So I think I sort of subconsciously knew what Ian was going to say next, because suddenly I exclaimed, "Well I'm breaking up with you, then."

His eyes widened. "Bells, Jesus, I haven't even-"

"Sorry, sorry. Do continue."

"Oh." Ian sighed. But did not continue. I didn't know exactly what to feel. Because I was sure he was here to stay for a while. Ian once got a lifetime ban at the local grocery store when I knocked over three racks and he took the blame. And it was stupid, yes, but you don't take lifetime bans for anyone.

"Sweetheart- I mean, Bella." And then I felt extremely awful, like somebody had grabbed my insides and held a match to them. "We need to break up. I mean like, I'm breaking up with you." He paused, "Right now."

"Oh really?" I finally snapped, "I thought you meant it was scheduled for next week, this break up. Does Tuesday work for you? What the hell is wrong with you, Ian."

"Too much!" He shouted, waving his hands around in the air, the tears that were threatening to spill out of his crystal blues were finally falling down his flushed cheeks, "Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem isn't?"

"Ian-"

He began taking long stride steps towards where my feet were placed on the concrete. I felt water build up within my own, but quickly hushed them away. "Too much is wrong with me. And you can't do anything about that, you can't change it. Cause I'm not broken, I don't need to be fixed okay? I'm me!"

And then suddenly I was mad, I was seething, but I refused to be the girlfriend who broke down in tears and wept for the loss of her mentally ill boyfriend. It was Ian who followed me around the first day we met, who was super creepy and broke into my house. He made me trust him, he made me like him, and he also made me let him touch me. He was always saying not to leave his sight, so why the hell was he deciding now to force me out?

I was throwing my hands around in the air like I was about to say something, but my face was growing red and all I could think of was anger and sadness, but I could not think of either words.

He sniffed before letting out an unsteady breath, wiping the falling tears from his now red and swollen eyes, "Bella, the very last thing I want is for you to get hurt by me, okay? Fuck, it's like, I'm supposed to be looking after you when I'm the one getting you into problems with my crazy shit and mood swings. What if you get seriously hurt by me? What if one day, I'm acting all freaky and I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing and I hurt you. That is my biggest fucking nightmare. I need you to be okay. Remember what you said when we first met? I'm trouble. You don't need that in your life, Bella."