LUMINESCENCE [Reynico]

track 08: heart out

R

"I still want you. I still want to hold you in my arms. I still want to touch you." His hair fell forward, hiding his face. He wouldn't meet my eyes. "Can you . . . can you stand to touch me . . . even after knowing what misfit I am?" His voice was barely audible.

I stood up and took the step that left me looking down at him. Nico raised his face to me, his eyes glittered with unshed tears. The fear in his face was raw.

I touched his face, he flinched. "You are not a misfit." I said, sternly. "You are not damaged. You are not broken. You are enough. You are more than enough." I leaned over him, bending down to kiss his lips. The first kiss was gentle, chaste. He made no move to touch me, hands in his lap. I kissed his forehead, hands combing through his long hair, so I could feel the warmth of him against my fingers. I kissed his eyebrows, the tip of his nose, each cheek, finally his lips again.

His arms wrapped around my back, hands hesitating at my waist, fingers slightly lower. His hands jumped to my thighs, skipping all those questionable areas. He stared at me, and his eyes were drowning deep.

I raised his sweater off his stomach, running hands against his bare flesh. "Off," I said.

Nico raised the sweater over his head in one movement, dropping it to the floor. I sat in his lap, staring at his bare chest. I should have stopped right there, but I didn't want to. I pressed my face in the bend of his neck, breathing in the smell of his skin, his hair covering my face like a veil. His hands kneaded the small of my back.

I turned back to him. His face was startingly close. Nico's lips were soft, full. We'd never let it go this far. Not even close. The feel of his naked skin on places he'd never touched before made me shudder.

"We have to stop now." I whispered it into his neck, so it wasn't completely convincing.

"What?"

"Stop." I pushed a little back from him, enough to see his face. Enough to breathe just a little. My hands were still playing with his hair, touching his shoulders. I dropped my hands. Made myself stop. He was so warm. I raised my hands to my face, and could smell him on my skin. I did not want to stop. From the look on his face, the feel of his body, neither did he. "We should stop now."

"Why?" His voice was almost a whisper.

"Because if we don't stop now, we might not stop at all."

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

Staring into his lovely eyes from inches away, I almost said, no. "Maybe, yes."

"Why?"

"Because one night is never enough. You either have a regular diet of it or you go cold turkey."

"You can have this every night," he said.

"Is that a proposal?" I asked.

Nico blinked at me, trying to draw himself back up. To think. I watched the effort and struggled with it myself. It was hard to think sitting in his lap. I stood up. His hands were still under my shirt, on my bare back.

"Rey, what's wrong?"

I stood looking down at him, hands on his shoulders for balance, still too close for clear thinking. I backed away, and he let me go. I leaned my hands against the kitchen counter, trying to think enough to make sense.

"You're waiting for marriage," he guessed.

I nodded. "I want you, Nico, badly, but I can't. I promised I'd never let myself get hurt like that again."

He stood up and came to stand in front of me. He stood close but didn't try to touch me. "Then marry me."

I looked up at him then looked away. "Yeah, right."

"No, I mean it." He put his hands on my shoulders, gently. "I've thought about asking before, but I was afraid. You hadn't seen what I can do, what I could be. I knew you needed to see that before I could ask, but I was afraid for you to see it."

I stared up at him in the near dark and hugged him. I folded against him and shook my head, cheek sliding along his naked chest. "No, not now."

He kissed the top of my head. "Is that a yes?"

I raised my head to look at him. "I should say no."

"Why?"

"Because life is too complicated for this."

"Life is always complicated, Reyna. Say yes."

"Yes."

Nico touched my face, as if he was afraid that I might break and kissed me, his hands pressing against my back. I drew back enough to breathe and looked at him in the eyes. "The rule still stands." I reminded him.

He smiled gently, lowering his mouth and spoke with our lips almost touching. "I know."