A Winter's Tale (Destiel Fanfiction)

(4) A Winter's Tale

Cas never did respond, of course.

Dean checked his watch. Just a little after six a.m. He had about an hour till Sam showed up.

He gave Cas one more gentle pat on the head and rearranged a little bit, taking hold of Cas's hand again, and then he turned the page.

November.

Dean realized he was gritting his teeth a little. He knew what was coming, after all. He knew exactly what was coming.

November was when Dean had found Cas at the Gas-n-Sip.

******

Friday the first day of November.

Today is All Hallow's Day. The day when hallowed saints, and sometimes we angels too, used to walk upon the face of the earth to drive away the demons who cavorted on the previous night, Hallow's Evening ("Halloween," now).

Well, here I am walking upon the earth, like it or not. And not just for one day. And I didn't really do anything about driving the demons away last night.

I had the afternoon off today and I finally managed to convert my paycheck into cash, at a financial establishment along route 20. After all the taxes and fees I now have $189.25. Maybe not as much as I had hoped; not enough for housing, true; but it seems a huge amount nonetheless. It's immensely reassuring to feel it in my pocket. And though I still can't afford a room, maybe I do have some more options now.

While walking back from route 20 I spent a long time thinking about what to do.

I can do this on my own. I don't need Dean's help. I don't. It's perfectly okay that he isn't going to call.

It's perfectly fine.

He's busy anyway. He's undoubtedly got many things he needs to do. He's always busy. He's always got lots of difficulties and complications in his life. (A ridiculous amount, actually. I worry about him a good deal, in fact.) That's probably why he hasn't called, actually, now that I've had a night to consider things. It would have been nice to talk with him, certainly, and it would have been good to hear how Sam and he are, but it's really perfectly fine if I don't hear from him.

It's completely fine. I can do this on my own.

I should perhaps think about something else now.

I can go to the town library to get most of my remaining questions answered. Audrey at the library, and Bryce as well, have been most helpful. Everything's working out very well in my job; Nora is teaching me most of the details that I need to know and I've managed to pick up additional things on my own. For example, I've even managed to learn to prepare food, something I've never even attempted before. I'm really doing fine now. So it's really quite okay if I don't hear from Dean, or if Sam doesn't want to talk to me either. It would have be nice to hear from them, but really it's okay.

It's absolutely fine.

I'm going to think about something else now. It's afternoon now and I'm sitting on a bench in the park near my old bushes. My next step should be to plan out what to do with my $189.25. I'm so tempted to go sleep in the motel room, just for one night, but I'm trying to remind myself that that would provide only temporary comfort, and at the substantial cost of possibly not being able to afford a room at all in December. So I'm trying to resist. I have decided though that it's time to invest in some of the Less Immediate Vessel Needs, particularly extra clothing. I rather wish I had somebody to ask for advice. One reason I never changed the wardrobe I acquired from Jimmy is that human clothing can have a great deal of complex social nuances that are not obvious at all to an outsider. I knew only that Jimmy's outfit was what he wore to work, what he wore to meet strangers when he wanted to appear respectable and convincing, so I never changed it.