Me,myself,and I

Things couldn't possibly get worse right?

So.......hi guys. Huh, has this become more of a " bad stuff happens to me and I can't see a professional so I'll just type it all up and see if anyone cares" book? Instead of a rant book? Maybe its just a blog now. Or possibly a diary or journal that millions of people could read.

Hard decisions are the worst to make. Or just the worst in general. The ones that affect the people you care most about are honestly just horrible. Especially when it comes to love and boy/girl problems. Literally everyone has them, even if you are as lonely as heck, eventually you will have them. And unfortunately for me, I've been having boy problems. Which isn't all that surprising if you know me on a personal level. And no, I am not one of those girls who go around taking hearts and dropping them five minutes later. But I am one of those girls who speaks before she thinks and gets herself into trouble. For the past four months I was in a relationship with a guy that I loved, still love actually, but I had to break it off. Not 'cause he did anything wrong....ok well he wasn't the best boyfriend a girl could have but he loved me and tried to treat me as well as he could given his circumstances. Anyway, problem is that because of my family and my own personal things (mainly my religion), me and him can not date. It is just an overall complicated situation. Which we both knew about from the beginning. He also knew that at some point we would have to break up for those reasons, he just didn't know when that would be. Then the night before valentines day came, and a close friend decided to give me a punch in the gut reminder that I shouldn't be dating the guy. For four months, I had ignored everyone who said that me and my boyfriend shouldn't be a thing for extremely complicated reasons. Then this one person got into to my head and brought all that crashing down. It didn't help that I was already really guilty. Oh and here's the real great (cue very large sarcasm) part of it, I broke up with him the very next day. On valentines day. And then everything went down hill from then on. He's a mess and I'm a mess. To the point of self harm. and he still wants me back. overall its just a horrible time.   

aaaaaanyways, now that my sort of rant is over. hasta luego chicos y chicas. hope y'all are enjoying February and your four day weekend.