Match Your Weakness With A Name

Twelve? This Has Gone On Too Long.

I get my cast off that Monday.

My left arm is pale and noticeably weaker than my right arm. My wrist and knuckles are stiff, but I assume they will bounce back eventually. Cracking a bone in the side of my hand isn't enough to permanently damage me, right?

The upside to this is I can now play Legend of Zelda with little to no difficulty. Don't laugh at me. I'm a massive fucking nerd, okay? I can still see myself playing this ridiculous game when I'm twenty-seven and have a well-established life.

The downside to this is I have to lifeguard again.

On Tuesday, I stroll into the pool office at one to check in and say hey to Jenna. I pass Awsten on my way in, and he shoots me a dazzling smile that instantly lightens my mood. He is wearing a black sweater today. It makes him look like a cute, cuddly vampire.

Jenna sits in the receptionists' chair, staring at the phone with a comical intensity. She looks up when I enter.

"Hey," she says.

"Hello," I say, and check in.

"Don't get sunburned," she says.

"I make no promises," I reply. It's true. My skin has a high likelihood of shriveling up and falling off in this unreal Texas heat.

She chuckles. I smile and leave.

Evidently, someone learned from my errors and the lifeguard chair is held to the cement pool deck with sandbags. This reassures me I won't break anything else on duty. I climb up the ladder and take my seat.

Everyone is running on the deck. Not everyone, but enough people so it feels like everyone. I'm already done with this job. There is a kid dragging around a fucking inner tube, wearing a snorkel and water wings. Some teenagers are playing a breath-holding game in the deep end. If they die, it's not my fault, I think.

One thing at a time, Geoff. I decide to ignore the running on the deck and blow my whistle at the kid.

"Yo! We have a rule against floaties!" I shout, and he looks up.

"It's not a floatie, sir, it's an inner tube," he says in that snooty I-know-everything little-kid voice.

"Inner tube, floatie, whatever you want to call it, it's not allowed at this pool," I say. "You should probably put the water wings and snorkel away too."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, the Loch Ness Monster will come and eat you," I threaten, expecting him to laugh at me.

Instead, he yelps and drags the toys over to a deck chair. Wow. That worked. I lean back in my chair and try to focus on something other than the blazing heat of the sun.

"Hey. lifeguard!"

I sigh and look up. The teenagers trying to subtly drown each other are staring at a brunette girl in a green bikini.

"What the fuck? Why would you scare a little kid like that?" she yells.

"Because that's my job?" I say.

"Scaring little kids?" she shouts. "That's not a fucking job!"

"Uh, look, I don't have time to argue with you," I say, and it's true, I don't.

"Uh, go fuck yourself, you fatass," she says. One of the other teenagers, a boy in a black rashguard, places a hand on her shoulder, as if to say "Calm the fuck down."

I meet his eyes. He looks wary of her, as if this is a regular occurrence. I brush her remarks off; she seems to be the odd one out in her group of friends, at least in this way of thinking.