Twenty? At Least There's Only Four Chapters Left.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Double update because why not?

*****

I am buzzing when I leave the pool.

How could I make myself leave him? Is it worth it? Do I trust Derek enough to take his advice? What would I even say to Awsten? Would he stop coming to the pool?

There's too much to think about. I need to fucking sleep.

But it's three PM.

I need help.

I don't go to bed at three in the afternoon, but I do fall asleep relatively early, at about ten. Weird, because I thought the idea of breaking up with Awsten would keep me awake a lot longer than that.

Of course, it comes back to bite me nine days later, when I've been up at two staring at my ceiling for the past three nights.

Which sucks, because on day ten I have another date.

I get to Awsten's house with bags under my eyes and Good Morning Revival blasting through my car stereo. He's on his front porch, wearing his green sweater and looking very soft. I call out to him. He springs up, almost falling over, and practically sprints to my car. Aws is too fragile to be sprinting. I need to protect him at all costs.

"Hey," he says, pulling open the car door and sliding into the front seat.

"Hey yourself," I say.

"So, how's it going?"

"Um, pretty good, you know, life and stuff," I say. "D'you wanna listen to something different, or is this-" I gesture to the car stereo "-alright?"

"Put on the fucking Chronicles of Life and Death," he says, and I exchange the CDs.

"How are you doing?" I ask as he puts on his seatbelt.

"Alright," he says. "Not too bad, not too good. I'm bisexual. Let's go to this fucking arcade. Shut up. You'd better be taking me to the arcade."

I smile and floor the accelerator.

We drive silently-at least until Awsten spots a fluffy dog. It's really cute, I think to myself, how he gets so excited when he sees fluffy dogs. And cats. And bunnies. And just any small animal in general. He just loves animals.

When "I Just Wanna Live" starts up, he starts singing along, and I can't help but join him. His voice is such a nice voice, and "I Just Wanna Live" is a kickass song. Awsten's a kickass little man.

"Play it again," he asks when it ends.

I press the replay button and live the experience a second time, just Awsten and recorded Joel Madden through a car stereo.

And by the time that one ends, we are there. It's too soon. I get the urge to stay in the car with him and sing some more. But we have a date. Plus Ty's expecting us.

As I pull into the parking space in front of the arcade, he tugs on my sleeve.

"Come on, come on, come on!"

"Well, someone's hyped," I say, chuckling, and hop out of the car.

"Let's go!" He speedwalks to the arcade doors and pushes on one, getting it open on his third try. I grin and hold it for him, wondering if I ever will again.

I will. I could never hurt him like that.

"Hey, Ty," I say as we enter, and the guy at the ticket counter waves back to me.

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