(2/21/17)
I have had no drive to actually do anything or write. I don't care about school anymore, and I don't think there's much after my life as a highschooler. Yes, it's depressing to know I've reached that low of a point. I feel like there's not much after any of this, really.
It's weird that I don't even care about school if I don't think there's anything worth it after this. I look back at my old enteries and.. despite how depressing they are I see how full of life I am still. I was just a depressed kid back then, but now it seems a bit more serious.
Somehow on the outside things LOOK better. The best boyfriend ever (and I don't just say that because he's new and we're in the lovey stage), I am getting a better relationship with my sisters, I passed a part of my rough life onto the next thing (meeting my birth parents), I'm graduating highschool, my mother and I have a growing bond, I have such a massive support system around me...
But.. Now what? I'm stuck in this cycle of saddness. Perpetual sadness. Everything feels like work. I don't enjoy singing or anything anymore. I could care less about being in my activities or getting good grades. Something in the back of my mind is telling me "one day you'll take that way out."
It's fairly completely true. I probably will. For now I don't know what's stopping me, but there's SOMETHING stopping me.
I want something. I want this all to stop.
I do have true questions on if there's an afterlife. and I mean real questions. Not those stupid woowoo things religious people tell you.
I wish I haven't been too tired to write so I can look back on how I've felt over the year, but I was just too stressed and tired.
I still am.. Too stressed and tired.
