Tick list

Part 11

Matthew  POV

"We are gathered here today to bid our farewells to Ivanna Willow Springs and to commit her into the blessed hands of God"
The priest droned one, this wasn't even for her, this was for us.
The bright stained glass windows of the church almost seemed harsh, almost disrespectful in her honor. People were crying, some just looked stone cold. But i saw her dad. He didn't even look sad, he was more shellshocked. Like he almost didn't believe  it was her funeral, how could it be, for him? His wife and now his daughter.

"In the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit"

The ceremony was over and i was one of the last people to pass her coffin. I waited behind some of her school friends as they cried holding each others hands

"I can't believe she's gone" one said.
I don't even know if they know how she died.
By the time i had lifted the rock and tried to toss it down to the bottom of the lake, I assumed that she was almost at the surface, but the more i swam up, the more i felt as though she wasn't out yet. I swam back down as far as I could go before passing out and i saw her figure. Everything was a blur after that. Common sense went out the window.

"Goodbye Ivanna, we love you" they sobbed. I kept a stiff face behind them as I approached 

I stood still before peering over. Was I allowed? Would she have even wanted me here? I didn't feel as though i was ready to except it. But i knew i was going to anyway.

I looked. And god, she was beautiful. She wore a white summer dress that came down just above her knees. I knew that she wouldn't have liked it, but there was nothing I could do.
Her dark brown hair falling in loose curls past her shoulders and little white flowers woven into it, it was always in tatters when we hung out, messy or in a bun. Her snow white skin slopped perfectly around the shape of her face, her cheekbones gently carved out, her skin was usually olive, it would get freckles so easily in the sun, she didn't like it. She still had on a slight smile, even in death she was graceful, she was still happy. And i still loved-
And she's gone because of me.

I covered my face with my hands and turned away. All of a sudden, a hand grabbed at my arm and twisted me around. I was face to face with her. Her dead eyes stared right into me and pierced my soul.

"WAKE UP" her cold, low voice stabbed into me like a thousand needles, and with that i snapped into reality.
The hospital beeps came back to me and the sound of phones ringing in the background gave me some sense of security. I looked over at her, as she slept. Her olive skin, not white, olive.

It was a dream, everything. All of it. But it was so real....
what was the time?

I began looking for my phone, where the hell did i leave it? I stood up to check the seat under me

"Looking for something?" She slurred out in a British accent.

I looked over at her as her left eye looked at me whilst her right one remained shut.
Without thinking, i threw my arms around her middle and practically lifted her up until she was sitting, not lying down. I didn't let go.

"Fuck fuck fuck okay neck still hurts, go easy" she laughed out. I exhaled in relief.

"You're okay" I whispered.
"I know" she replied.

Someone cleared their throat behind us and i turned around to see her dad looking at us. We broke the hug and looked down in guilt

"Sorry to interrupt, could i have a moment Matthew?" I got up and grabbed my phone

"Yea sure i'll just-"

"With you i mean"
he said, whilst looking at me with the same eyes she did.
I couldn't tell if it was bad or good.

We walked out as i looked at Ivanna, she gave me a concerned look and i mouthed 'it's okay' before she disappeared from my sight.

"Is there anything wrong Mr-"

"Call me Jack, please"
I was taken aback. But i went along with it.

"Okay, Jack. Is there anything wrong?"

"I just want to thank you. If you weren't there-if she hadn't-what i'm trying to say is that without you, my little girl wouldn't be here now. It's been tough without her mother around so if it was a mistake or on purpose I don't know. But thank you, and please, take care of my girl"

I had tears stinging my eyes. I wasn't the emotional type but that got to me. He reached for my hand and i shook it firmly and we exchanged deep eye contact. No more words needed to be said.
I came back into her room as Jack went to the toilet.

"So whats wrong?did he-why-was it about-" she sat up anxiously

"Jesus Iv calm down, everything's okay, he wanted to thank me" i said with a proud grin on my face as i settled on the chair beside her. She looked at me and smiled

"Thank you" she closed her eyes and seemed to settle for a nap.
When was she not napping?

I had time to reflect.
You know that one person who sees through you? Even if you're trynna act big and cool. Or completely cut off? Or even when you're acting like nothing can touch you, like your 1000 feet up? That one person can bring you back, they're not scared of you. They're not even phased by you. Regardless of how you act, that one......girl.
She's both your strength and weakness.

I knew i had to do something. I got out my phone and went into my contacts.
It began to ring

"Hey Chloe its me, where are you? Listen, we need to talk"