MY RADICAL JOURNEY: 40 Days with The Purpose Driven Life

Peace on earth

Day 20: Restoring Broken Fellowship

Peace-making is the most difficult task there is in all the earth. Indeed, it is close to impossible to love one's enemy. Then again, making peace with everyone is but a natural incidence of love. And so God asks us to mend broken relationships. "Sayang naman kasi ang pinagsamahan..." as is often-quoted when previously okay fellowships turn sour.

But Warren clarifies that peace-making is not the avoidance of conflict or appeasement. It was a bit shocking to read him say that sometimes we need to create conflict just as we need to avoid or resolve it. I am reminded of when Jesus showed righteous anger when he rebuked the merchants selling their stuff in the Temple. Thus, I am enlightened on the practical uses of conflict as a tool to point out faults and promote growth and change.

Then again, God calls on us to "settle our relationships with each other" (2 Corinthians 5:18). And Warren enumerates practical pointers on how to restore our relationships.

Talking to God first before talking to the person. Frankly, I never thought it that way except to remember that God should be our first recourse and not the last. Always take the initiative. This I know very well hearing so many admonitions that one has to take the first step and not wait for the other person. But this is easier said than done. Sympathize with their feelings. I learned from my psychology course that listening and letting the other person unload his emotions first before talking about solutions or resolutions to the conflict is more effective as the person is not put on the defensive. Epictetus got it right when he said that nature has endowed man with two ears but one tongue that we may hear twice as much as we speak. And this really is where psychologists make their money (LOL).

Attack the problem, not the person is akin to the Biblical innuendo that we should hate the sin but love the sinner. Cooperate as much as possible explains itself without further annotations as a way to settle conflicts. Sometimes we do need to compromise and adjust to others so long as we do not violate morals and the laws of God.

Finally, it is indeed unrealistic to expect that everyone agrees about everything. There are so many perspectives to an issue that a single resolution may be impossible. Nevertheless, we can "agree to disagree" or to put it better, we can disagree without being disagreeable. Relationships can be maintained despite differences. We must indeed realize that God expects of us unity, but never robotic or mindless uniformity as he sees through our innate uniqueness just as he made us all special and not generic as the others.