BTS ANGST

Just Smile - Taehyung

You laid done on the covers of the pink sheets, contemplating your thoughts as your thumb brushes against the sharp edges of your pocket knife. You placed the tip of the knife towards your skin, biting your lower lip as you applied pressure on your skin. The knife slowly penetrated through your skin, the warm feeling of blood flowing out of the fresh cut.

Even though the pain was physical, it wasn't as painful as what you felt emotionally. You were tired of the heartbreaks, of being alone and almost forgotten. You lost too many people who had mattered, and were afraid of hurting more people who would cross paths with you.

In the end, you came to the painful decision of shutting yourself in. No more love or feelings, I'm fine all by myself. But how long would you keep lying to yourself ?

As the stinging pain slowly fades away, your phone vibrates, grabbing your attention and you pick it up from the bed stand, a smile forming on your face.

TaeTae -
Why aren't you picking up my calls ?

TaeTae -
Pick up please ! I'm worried !

TaeTae -
Please don't do what I'm thinking you're doing.

TaeTae -
I'll always be here for you. I love you ~

Your heart melted at the sincerity he showed you. Your once pitiful self, who preferred hiding in the dark suddenly wanted to go out in the light, bit by bit, even if it took long enough to reach there you wanted to be under the light, under his light.

As the throbbing pain in your arm subsides, you wipe off the blood that comes bribes to drip down your arm, covering it with a bandaid and wiping the tears off your face.

You -
I'm fine ! Thank you for caring ❤

Suddenly you hear something hit against your window. Looking out, you find him plastering a huge smile as he waves at you, mouthing a -come-outside- . You nod and go back in, rummaging through your clothes and find a red turtleneck sweater with ripped jeans and take a look at the mirror.

Your smile slowly falters looking T your pitiful state, your cheeks having dry tears over them, your lips slightly bleeding and dry from biting too hard and your hair uncombed and tangled. You wear the clothes, tugging at the sleeves to cover the scars on your wrist.

Grabbing a few items like your phone and a few snacks, you tiptoe out of the house, luckily not grabbing your father's attention as he lay down drunk on the couch, the table surrounded by empty bottles and melted ice cubes.

"Hey beautiful !" You smile at his comment, even though you knew how unkept you probably looked, you hadn't even combed your hair. "You too handsome !"

"D-did you say handsome ?!" His smile grows bigger as he moves in closer to you. "So that means your feelings are growing for me ?" He jokes and you smack his chest.
"Ouch that hurt !" He said sarcastically while you roll your eyes at him, walking ahead and he follows suit.

As much as your feelings were mutual for each other, you pushed them aside, afraid to hurt someone else again. He took you to the same park you both went to as kids, the place slightly worn out yet the petrichor making all your worries fade in an instant.

"Wait here !" He rushes off, coming back after 5 minutes with toe ice cream cones in his hand. "Here, enjoy !" You let the cold feeling tingle your senses and the breeze making you feel dizzy.

"Y/N..."

"Yes ?"

He moves his hair through your locks, slightly untangling them. He uncoils your hair and and pulls out a comb from his back pocket. "I know it's weird to carry a comb around but since you're a lazy ass, be grateful I'm doing so !" You chuckle and agree with him as he combs your hair, asking you constantly if it hurts. He plaits your hair, a few strands falling out yet he doesn't give up. He sighs, happy with his first masterpiece and you chuckle at how weirdly it's made. "100+ out of 10 for effort !" You clap while he bows.

After a while of sweet talk and catching up to stuff, the two of you walk back home, hand in hand. Your apartment comes into view and he refuses to let go of your fingers. "Promise me ."

"What ?"

"Promise me Y/M that whatever happens, you will always confide in me." You nod, turning away from him incase he sees the tears welling up in your eyes. He lets go of your hand and you walk back home, closing the door as slow as possible.

"You slut." You hear your father's deep voice as his footsteps get louder, you gulp in fear.

"Who was that guy ? Are you doing shit behind my back ?" His words slurred like his actions as he tries to position himself.

"A-appa I..." you're suddenly interrupted as your cheeks sting from the impact of the blow you received. Hot tears stream down your face as you grab your face in pain. "You killed my wife you fucking curse !" He tugs at your hair and you don't fight back, biting your lips harder as he drags you towards the door, opening it and flinging you out. "No blood of mine is a whore ! Get lost !"

He slams the door at your face, leaving you shivering in the cold. Adrenaline rushed up and your feet pick up the pace, running as fast as you can away from all the sorrow and hate you felt.

If only you could run away from all these insecurities and anxieties.

You run towards one of the bridges, no one suspecting your presence as you climb up the railings, breathing heavily. The taste of blood slightly mingles with something sweet.

Ice cream.

You still continue to cry, your chest stinging at the happy memories that were no more. "I'm sorry Tae I'm sorry I breaking my promise !"

Your phone vibrates in your back pocket and your vision turns as his name appears on your screen.

TaeTae -
Thanks for today ! I had a lot of fun !

TaeTae -
You're sure you're okay right ?

You gulp, typing in a message after placing the phone down beside the railings. You take a deep breath, before your feet take off from the railings, that one leap ending your misery forever.

Many days had passed by, more than a week since Taehyung saw you. Whenever he went over to your place, his father would brush away the fact that he kicked he out of the house, saying that you had gone out. Taehyung knew the relationship you had with your father and decided to call the police.

After a frantic search party was sent out, your father confessed how he tortured you when he was drunk and that he kicked you out. He himself was worried, knowing that you would've come home but surprisingly didn't.

After a desperate search, a few suspects and investigations later, they all end up on the bridge, your phone catching his attention and the police takes it for investigation.

When your body was found in the water body below the bridge, no one came to the morgue to look at you. Taehyung breathed heavily, seeing your fresh scars for a first time. A deep sense of regret writhed under his skin, knowing that he couldn't do anything for you, that you had to face all the burdens and sufferings alone.

In the end, he failed to keep you happy.

As the guilt tore within him, he turned his phone on after ages, finding a bunch of messages and missed calls from his parents and a few others, but a certain message from you made him bawl his eyes out. It was the last message you would ever send to him....

Y/n -
I'm fine ❤️