Shut In

Old Scars and New Scars, Shackles and Painful Releases

“Sometimes, I forget we didn’t grow as close until middle school,” I roll my eyes, hoping to hide the panicking sadness behind bravado. “So Yoshida,” I turn back, “I’ll never hit you, but do as I say.”

Joshua walks over to me, “Dameon… just let him go to bed.”

“Yoshida,” I start, “take your things and go down stairs. Take a shower and go to bed before I change my mind,” I bark, my voice a shade angrier than I meant.

“Can’t I eat?” Yoshida looks scared.

“I will bring some food down for you,” I answer, “Sis said you have horrible eating habits. Eat what I cook you.”

Yoshida nods and Joshua points him down stairs. I go over to the stove and reheat what Joshua, Marabel, and I had for dinner. Hands go on either side of the counter next to me while I watch the fish in the frying pan. Well really… it’s more like an arm in front of me and an arm behind me.

“Joshua… the fish won’t reheat if you don’t friggin move your arms,” I grumble at the brute six foot six freak of nature.

Joshua P.O.V.

Dameon and I are tall, but I have two inches on his six foot four… so while he can glare all he wants, he can’t stare me ‘down’ in that sense. I move on of my arms, “Dameon… what was that look for? And that comment? ‘Sometimes I forget we didn’t grow as close until middle school.’ And why’d you look so dejected?!”

“Joshua…” Dameon protests without his usual tone and tenacity, “Back off.”

“No! Not until I know what’s going on in your head you fucking idiot!!” I smack him.

“Dude!” he glares, “Don’t wake up Marabel, okay?”

I freeze, “Only if you agree to tell me what’s going on,” My heart flutters.

“You’re in a black mailing mood lately,” Dameon squints at me suspiciously, “Are you worried?” His muscular, yet oh so slender, arms lace around my waist.

“You’re right,” I nod and start watching the fish for him. He buries more of his head into my chest.

"Joshua..." Dameon clutches me tighter, "My dad is an over weight old man..." Dameon's father kinda left the picture after the house fire in Dameon's freshman year.

"Not to interrupt, but I gotta get the food for Mark," I remind him as he pulls himself off of me unwilling to get the food before me.

"My dad used to beat the shit out of me when I would 'embarrass' him by doing anything 'out of line' outside," he frowns deeply. Then walks away, "I'll be right back."

I stare.... no wonder he was so pissed... I had no clue... he suffered all alone... I didn't help him... his family probably had no idea... and I told him he had a perfect childhood... what memories did I bring up? Did I hurt him too bad? Is he gunna want me to stay away now?

When he reappears from the basement, Dameon takes my hand and takes me to his living room. "Joshua," he looks like he wants to cry, "You never saw how sadistic Dad could be... he'd take pleasure in breaking my nose or my fingers..."

"I thought you got into fights... isn't that what you said?" I want to hold him and take all this pain away... I know it's not my place since he sees me as a brother... but I mean... for fuck's sake.... he looks helpless.... like he wants me to hold him again... hold... mental smack don't think that way... that'd be wrong... and he'd definitely make me leave.

"He told me to, then I'd get disciplined for embarrassing him by being a bad child," Dameon laughs, he's fighting the pain as he explains himself to me. "My fire burns covered up all of his scars, it makes me thankful.... while the fire was the event that pushed me into this," he motions toward the house, "It broke my mental shackles... plus I was already headed down the road to being a shut in anyway." His laugh sounded close to a sob.

"Dameon... I'm sorry... I never knew," I blink, I don't know what to say... I wasn't there for someone I love when he needed me... I didn't know something so essential to his character, when I thought I knew him like the back of my hand... I glare at my hand... idly wondering if there's something on them that I don't know...

"It's fine..." he had a sad smile again, "You were the pillar that kept me alive."

In the wierdest way... I'm relieved... "Dameon... I'm glad you're better now... he can't hurt you anymore."

"But I'm glad for what I got in return... because now I'm not a fat slob and I keep all my things nice," Dameon laughs, "And I'm really close with you and I know it wasn't bred from pity. Joshua... you're the person closest to me..." he slinks an arm over my shoulders, "So please... continue you put up with me..."

"What do you mean?" I pull him on my lap, looking into his striking silver eyes... his hair like silk against my arms...

"About how I am," Dameon hugs me tighter, "I'm sorry for holding yo back-"

"Dameon, calm down," I murmur, his hands are shaking and he's growing pale, "I'm here 'cause I wanna be."

I don't like seeing him so fragile... if only duct tape could fix this. "Joshua.... I know I haven't ever answered you from high school," Dameon's ears are red, " But I haven't forgotten...."

"Dameon-"

"So please stay with me," Dameon's blush got worse. "Cause.... I can't make it alone in here without you... I won't ever go outside unless it's cause you're there.... I don't want you to leave... but I do't think I could handle anything right now," his voice was panicking.

Dameon... you never forgot... my heart thuds as I put my hand under his chin, "I'll always stay with you." I pull his face up so I can see his silver irises.... I brush my thumb against the soul patch that connects to the black faacial hair that makes a chin strap up ti his side burns, "I said I always would." Dameon was scanning my face.

"Even when I can't answer a simple question?" Dameon was skeptical, "Cause I feel scared... I'm terrified to ruin this... Because if you decied I wasn't an excpetion anymore and go back to random or planned hook ups again..." Dameon made no move to remove his chin from my hand... is my self proclaimed 'asexual yaoi freak' considering me more than I thought?"

"If I had you, I wouldn't need them," I eye him, "I want to kiss you."

Dameon gulps, his eyes are bordering the panic line again. "Joshua.. I keep trying but..." he looks away with his eyes, when he does look back... he's more assured, "You're not a brother figure to me like I thought........ I don't know what you are...."

"So... does that mean I can?" I trace his bottom lip with my thumb.

Dameon had an even deeper blush going, "Ye...Yeah... you can..." my heart beat quickens... the lips I've admired since I was 17......

While inching closer, I continue scanning Dameon's eyes for any trace of discomfort. All I saw was extreme nervousness; I think this is his first kiss.... when I was close enough for him to feel my breath on his skin, his eyes flicked closed... so I close my eyes too.

I hold my breath and pause, rubbing his chin for a second. Dameon's lips are warm and awkwardly firm.... nwoing he's barely registering it because of the nerve damage from burns, I press a bit harder until I feel his breath hitch...

By feel... I mean he seized up... then he pressed back with softer force... I think he has to focus on feeling to feel... because when I pulled away slowly... his lips seemed to miss mine immediately... not in a straight forward way.... but the way he held them together afterward, it was a barely noticeable pout...

///I hope you all enjoyed this chapter ^^ >w< I know I fanboyed over it hard XDDD hahaha I love these two... they seem to have their own thoughts and everything in my head... I love them ^^ I'm trying to draw pictures of them... hahaha cause I imagine Joshua being Polish... so he'd have my nose XDD hahahaha -has a Polish nose- and I imagine Dameon... having a slender but masculine nose.... hahahaha yes. noses!!!! but not really... but you can really define a nationality with a nose... at least I think so.... that and cheek bone placement... lips... all other facial features... -ranting- and I just changed my style so I have to relearn XDDD -ranting hard- welll.... this fan-boy is gunna quit ranting now ^^ peace out yo!! I hope ya'll have a good day... On 2/5/2014 we got like 6 inches of snow!!! Hope you guys are warm. warm with a glass of koolaid. preferrably the green kind... green is lime or something... idk... i never read it... I just grab the color..... hahahahahaha LATER!!!! I LOVE YOU ALLL!!!!