Shut In

I'mma Actually Go...?

The next morning I awoke with a nervous knot in my chest. Joshua was mad at me and I was leaving the house to bring him a bento. As I laid in bed staring at the clock, I decided it was time to get up and sighed. Three in the morning... seems like a good time to get up and get started. Might as well just finish up with gardening chores since I offended Yoshida and Joshua... Maybe it'll make it.... it will make everyone okay... I don't want Joshua to hate me at all.

My hands shake and I try to stand, but I end up falling on the ground instead. I don't know if I could live on alone like that. He's always been there to help. If he ain't there, what the hell do I do then? That's fucking scary. I'd leave and never come back... if that'd mean he'd still like me.  The thought of him disappearing is scarier than leaving the house...

"Dameon?" Marabel walks over nervously, "Are you okay?" Marabel puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Marabel, I'm fine... go back to sleep," I smile and stand up slowly, "I'll put you to sleep."

Marabel nods sleepily at me and I pick her up, "Dameon, I hope you're okay."

"I'm fine," I nods seriously and she giggles.

I walk her down the hallway to her Hetalia themed room. Oddly she chose that room over the rest cause she liked the characters. I lay her down in the bed that has a blanket of England and America, pillows of Prussia, bed sheets of Germany, and a bed skirt of Italy and Romano. She smiles and I hand her the doll of Canada that she's taken a liking to.

"Night," I kiss her forehead, "Sleep tight, Marabel."

"Dameon," Marabel stares up at me, "Song?"

"Uh... Sure!" I nod and start singing the first Hetalia opening. Marabel starts drifting off to sleep quickly and I smile as I sneak away.

I head down stairs and start filling up the twenty buckets with water. Yoshida's room is sound proof so he's all set... it's quit loud actually. And I need one hundred thirty six buckets. So after this I refill all the buckets five more times. Then sixteen buckets... I start in the back and then begin to work my way back up.

As I work I pull out my phone and sing along with some really old Vocaloid's and Utau's. Now they have made artificial intelligence that you can buy for outrageous amounts of money. I want a few... quite a few... like Gakupo, Kaito... then I found these old stories and roleplays that people had like two thousand years back... they had kids and shit... I want to get all of them and put them in a house so I can visit them.

My phone buzzes for when I should of woken up and I'm half way through my last round. It's five thirty, amd Joshua must have tipped Yoshida off. I know this, because I saw movement in his room. I continue my tune and I also notice I need to harvest quite a bit.

"Dameon," Yoshida yawns, "Good morning."

"Morning Yoshida," I smile, "Go get the harvester's buckets like the one you used yesterday. Sorry for snapping at you."

Yoshida nods and walks over to the stairs and heads up. A few moments later, he came down with ten of them stacked in each other. Dameon smiles, "Good job, start wherever you know how to tell what's ready."

Yoshida nods at me, "Okay." He was truly terrified of me...

"Yoshida... I'm sorry," I frown, "I just don't want you to go through stuff like me alone. If I can you hurt, but then have it help you... I will. But I refuse to keep true fear installed in you. I'm sorry."

Yoshida looks up at me, "Really?"

"Yes, fear is okay. True fear is troublesome," I finish watering everything within ten minutes and I then join Yoshida in picking berries from up front so we get done quicker. We continue to pick clean everything for a while until nine thirty - ten o'clock in the morning.

Marabel was watching TV happily, munching on some strawberries I put in the unlocked part of the fridge. Yoshida and I were carrying up goods, "Yoshida, I'll finish up here. Go get the mail for me.  Take a handful of berries if you want."

Yoshida nods and grabs a small handful while I start preparing Joshua's bento after carrying up the last of our buckets. Would he want meat or fish? Or would he not care? Does he still even want one?

"Yo?" I hear my phone go off and quickly answer before it goes, 'Yo your fucking phone is ring' and starts screaming.

"Moshi moshi," I call.

"Hey Dameon!" Joshua was driving, his voice was monotone. "My lunch break is at noon. It takes a half hour to walk.

"Really?" my voice quivers.

"Yeah," Joshua answers and I hear the engine stop and a door open. Now his voice is more happy and alive sounding, "So...." he yawns, "What're you making or what'd you make?"

"Surprise! I just started," I laugh dryly, hands shaking again, "I can use GPS off my phone right?"

Joshua laughs heartily at me, "Just walk south down Hazel Nut, you'll find it... it might be less than a half hour walk... maybe ten minutes if that.

"Oh..." my voice is shaking again... walking outside... on my own? Shit...

"Breathe calmer, when you walk down, have music. If you need to, call me. The manager know what's going on. You don't need to worry at all. Wear whatever helps you feel safe," Joshua coos quietly at me.

"Okay," I start breathing slower, "Anything you want in particular?"

"Can you make me some onigiri in there for me?" Joshua inquires.

"Yeah," I nod, trying to kill the unease in my chest. "Yeah, no problem."

"Sit on the floor, okay?" Joshua coos, "Have Yoshida get you a shot and a beer. Both will calm you down. Right?"

"Okay... when he gets in from the mail box," I nod as I sit on the floor, huddling in a fetal position, "Thanks."

"Okay, you're good?"

"Yeah."

"Go alone, okay? This will help you become more independent," Joshua must've gotten into work, I can hear people talking, "And I gotta go, love you bro."

"Love you too, bro," I smile and stand, "Talk to you later, ne?"

"Call me before you head out, ne?" Joshua pipes up.

"I will," I laugh, "Talk to you later then, I might be early... is that okay?"

"Of course," Joshua seemed happy, "Ja!"

"Ja," I hang up and pour myself a class of beer from my tap. Now I turn to eye my buckets... everything had things I could harvest... I can make almost anything...

"Dameon?" Yoshida was nervous, "I got the mail." He hands me a ton of mail... mainly renters... I set it off to the side in the mail cart I keep, it got put in the 'To Organize' bin.

"Thanks Yoshida... another half day off for you. We work out again tonight," I yawn, "Do you wanna play any games?"

Yoshida lights up, "Yes!"

"Play games then, there's another TV in the room Marabel is in," I point, "Use a different memory space than mine; make a new profile." Then I pause, "Don't touch my old game systems. Only the new." My mood darkens, "Got it?"

Yoshida nods, "Okay." Then he scampers to the room Marabel was in while I got started on boiling water for rice while looking around my kitchen for what I want.