Saving Simone

(in)prom(ptu)

I never thought my dreams would come true. Staring into his sky blue eyes as my hands were on his shoulders. My insecurities left us dancing like middle schoolers with his hands on my shoulders as well. He gradually would move them to my waist, but back up as a shuttered and unwillingly sucked in. He would look slightly disappointed but respected my discomfort. I never thought that, that night would be where my eyes finally opened to the horror in front of me.

It was when instead of attending the prom banquet at his school (I was in a different type of education) we went out for pizza. I got into his car, pulled the pins out of my braided updo and had my dry black locks fall onto my shoulders. I kicked my shoes off which brought me back down to my 5'3" self. He threw off his tuxedo jacket as we both sighed relief. "You ready, Sim?" He asked. I nodded. We exited the car and ran into the Pizza Hut, shoes off, sweaty and looking like a wreck. We sit down laughing, and cruise the menu. "As great as the dance was I have to say this is more fun," he sips his cola. "You don't miss your basketball buddies?" I ask half joking. "And you don't miss the two faced bitches they had for dates?" He retorts. "I sure am glad I left there. Quit all the teenage drama, focused on studies and life," I relax. "So your ex?" He grows uncomfortable, "How long were you together?" He asks. "It was just a few months. I met her through a friend, she liked me but it didn't work out," I try to maintain composure. "So you're bi?" He asks. I laugh. "Babe I'm asexual. And the term is 'panromantic ' but that's just meaning romantically attracted to all genders" I explain as he loses interest. "Is there..something wrong with that?" I frown. "No no I just don't want you to face my dad with that," he says. "When I wore a pink shirt, he accused me of being gay and I had a bruise for weeks," he forces a fake laugh. Before I could say anything, a waitress came by. "Anything I can do for you kids?" She smiles flashing white teeth. "You know it. Medium pizza half cheese half pepperoni," he says knowing what I want. She puts her penpad in her pocket and walks away. "Been a long time since we had pizza, huh?" He says, just right tone. "Before last inpatient," we say simultaneously. "Yeah. But I think it's okay," I bite my lip. "So we never touch the subject. How's it going?" "It's okay. I have monthly psychiatrist and physician appointments, weekly therapy and dietitian," I respond. "Well that's good. I promise anything you share is between us and judgement free," he smiles. I just blush. The pizza comes and we each take a slice. "Still haven't given into delicious meat?" He waves a slice of pepperoni pizza in my face. "Still haven't given into avoiding murder?" I spar back. He downs a few more slices but i quit at two. "If you'll excuse me," he dusts himself off and gets up. I surprise him and pay the bill so I can head to the restroom as well. But from the men's room, I hear an all too familiar sound. I can't begin to mimic the noise without doing it. It's the sound of guilt, the sound of desperation, the sound of self hatred and punishment.

Theo is purging.

I have to catch my breath. My world is spinning, I'm dizzy, and blurry so I sit down, but just then he exits. "Sim, you okay?" I just shake my head. He sees the bill is paid, picks me up and we head out to the car. He puts money in my clutch before I can object. As I'm panting, he waits patiently until I catch air. "You heard" he doesn't ask, just sighs. I reach to turn on the car, "can we go?" I cry. He pulls the keys back to stop. He looks at me. His once glowing eyes, now full with pain. "I wanted to tell you but-" "How long," I interrupt. "It doesn't matter," he says. "How long" i raise my voice. "5 years," he sighs. "5 years of binging and purging, but also crash dieting," he confesses. I nod. "I wanted to tell you, Simone. I really did. But you're already so sick I couldn't hurt you," he tears up. I know the feeling. I know the obligation. I just look at him and laugh. "Are we not the most fucked up couple?" He chuckles, agreeing. "I want help, Simone. I'm ready. You inspired me. What can you suggest?" He asks. "At this point in the game you need serious full on dedication," I say. "Follow me," he says. We exit the car only to climb on top of it. "The views better here," he holds my chin. "I feel so selfish. All this time you worried about me and I didn't even ask about you," I'm full on sobbing. "I liked it that way," he tilted my head so I look at him.