Saving Simone

Theo-retical

After prom I was shaken up. I don't want Theo to think it was his fault that I am restricting again. Truth be told I was up until prom night. I got myself down to 101 for prom. I had always been on the underweight side of things but never felt it. I didn't reach a healthy weight until I was about 14. But now, I have access to a scale through Theo. He's been avoiding me for the past two weeks since prom for fear of triggering me, leaving me to my lonely nights filled with family time but internal emptiness. My parents don't want to dwell on it any longer. I want to be in control and thin. That's just the tip of the anorexic iceberg.

Finally my phone rings and before it lighting up I know it's him.

"Theo!"
"Hey Sim, how are you?"
"Ugh 'xhausted, you?"
"Haha I hear you. Listen I was wondering if you wanted to chill today? It's been a little while"
"Sure I'll grab a coat and head over,"

I say all to eager to, yes see him, but mostly to weigh in. I inform my mother that I'll be with Theo and she casually reminds me to return with a full gas tank.

I don't bother to knock, I just walk in and greet his mother. She runs over to hug me. "Hi dear, Theo's upstairs," she says. She's a tiny little thing. Can't be more than five feet tall and extremely small. Not emaciated but thin enough that I feel like a lesser person. I run upstairs to "use the bathroom" first. The metal is not cold as usual, which means someone has recently used it. I sigh but allow it to blink until it flashes a reading.

94.

I'm getting there. Not what I was hoping, but it'll get there.

"Theo?" I say as I see him crouched over his textbook. "Hey Sim what's up?" He tugs at his sleeve. "Just living life. Finishing up formalities before graduation," I shrug and he agrees. "Can't believe college is this fall. What are we gonna do? Like with us?" He sighs. "We're within 10 miles we'll see each other all the time, Theo," I reassure him. "It won't be the same," I know he's right. We sit in silence for moments before I make things awkward. "So how've you been doing with- you know, stuff?"
"Why don't you tell me little miss baggy hoodie? Yeah I caught on a while ago. It means you're feeling scarily insecure or you're hiding your food," I'm impressed with his knowledge of my habits. "Theo," I roll my eyes. "Yeah probably some stuff I don't want to talk about."

"Yeah, you know my hoodie and I know your sleeves," I mumble. "I binged, Simone. Binged and couldn't purge so naturally I cut," he says nonchalantly. "Also I'm up two pounds so that sucks ass." He stares at the ground. "Theo you gotta tell someone you can't do this alone," i hug him. "I'd love to but they would just tell me off and ignore it," "Theo they'll understand," I reassure. "No they won't Simone," he breathes. A few silent moments pass. "Movie?" I ask. "Read my mind," he smiles.

We turn on Netflix browsing through oddly specific categories when Theo's mom enters. "Snacks anyone?" I stare at Theo. Veronica, Theo's mom, knows that I have anorexia but that's all she knows. I doubt she knows what it is. "Sure," he smiles. "You do love your snacks," she comments as I see the colour drain from his face. I just grab his hand. His hand is large but there's no meat on it. It's bony and fragile. I realize how pudgy and childlike mine are in comparison. His body mass index must be at least 5 lower than mine. He's always been thin and I've always been envious. But now my heart sinks as I see how effortless it actually isn't. "Theo?" I lift my head off his shoulder. "Yeah?"
"Do you think I'm fat?"
"90 pounds isn't fat"
"94," I mumble
"You think that's fat?" He challenges
"I look the part,"
"Simone, I have 26 pounds on you," he falsely laughs
"But you're like 6 foot 5"
"6 foot 2" he corrects
"I'm sorry," I sigh
"I promise you Simone. You could gain 40 pounds and still not be fat," he says and I just scoff.
Veronica enters with so called "organic popcorn" and protein bars.
"I'm okay, but thank you," I smile aggressively hoping she senses gratitude.
"C'mon you just have to try some," she hands me a bar.
"Mom, Simone said no," he stares at her as Veronica flushes red. "Theo, it's fine" I blush. I take a bite, she smiles and walks away, so I shove the rest into my sleeve. Theo just rolls his eyes.

"Simone you know you're supposed to be getting better," he sighs. "You said you'd get help," I retorted. We stare at each other not angrily, but with eyes full of sorrow.

We're almost done with the movie and have barely said another word to the other.

"Do you want to go out tomorrow? Like a real date?" He asks. "Sure," "Not dinner," we half laugh simultaneously. "I'll surprise," he winks. "Let me guess, you have no clue?" I mock. He just laughs and nods. Suddenly, a man with a crew cut and popped collar stands in the doorway. "Hey kiddos, how's it going?" His dad tries to appear interested. "Fine," Theo says flatly. "Theo does your little friend here wanna join us for dinner tonight or tomorrow?" He asks. My heart pounds. I can't do dinner especially not with him. "Well we were actually going out tomorrow," he says. "Oh for dinner?" His dad asks, already knowing. Theo shakes his head. "Well why don't you join us before you head out? That's fine with you, Simone?" He seems insistent. I swallow and nod, panicked. "Your mom will cook it up, we'll get the nice tablecloth it'll be fun," he walks out.