Enchanted | Jacob Black

eleven

I woke up with a dull ache behind my eyes and the unmistakable feeling of too much emotion and not enough sleep.

For a few seconds, I just stared at the ceiling.

Memories from the night before came back in waves. The party. Kira. Nates lips. Jake's voice, tearing through the dark. The way he looked at me like I'd broken something inside him.

I sat up slowly, Nate's hoodie still draped over my desk chair where I'd tossed it before crawling into bed.

I felt... raw.

Embarrassed a little. Angry. But mostly just tired. Tired of feeling like I was in a constant tug-of-war between what I felt and what I was supposed to feel. Between what Jake did and what Jake didn't do.

I reached for my phone, one new message.

Nate:

You okay? Let me know if you want to talk. I'm here.

I stared at the screen for a moment before setting it back down.

After Jake had stormed away, I apologized to Nate. I ignored all his comments about him. He thought Jake had anger issues, and he acted so possessively. I stayed quiet the entire car ride home, just giving him a quick goodbye.

I got up and crossed the room to the window. Outside, the trees swayed gently, and it was quiet.

Part of me felt guilty. For letting Nate kiss me. For liking it as much as I did.

Another part of me was furious. Jake ignored me for days, only to show up at the worst time.

And somewhere deep under all of that was this ache I couldn't quite explain.

Because even after everything, after Nate, after the kiss, after the yelling. It was Jake who I was thinking about when I fell asleep.

It was always Jake. No matter how much I wanted to stop it. It was always going to be him.

I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned against the window frame.

I didn't know what today would bring. Would I see him? Should I see him? Could our friendship ever come back from this? Was this even a friendship anymore? I knew how I felt about Jake but couldn't figure out how he felt about me. How had we gone from being best friends to whatever we were now?

I groaned.

I could hear my dad snoring from his room as I walked out into the hallway. At least one of us was getting some good sleep. I made sure to be quiet as I made some coffee and eggs. I sat down at the kitchen table, eating in silence while trying to make myself think about anything other than Jake.

But it was a failure, and I kept replaying it in my head. The way his whole body shook with rage and force. If Seth and Embry hadn't shown up, he would have phased right in front of us. Did seeing me kiss Nate upset him that much?

And if it did... what did that mean?

I stared into my coffee cup, my heart twisting.

I needed to know, not just for myself but also for us, because whatever we were now was not what I wanted.

I stood up, my heart already racing at the thought. I was going to see him. I was going to his house. Not to fight. I wanted answers to the questions that had been clawing at me for weeks.

I stood slowly, legs heavy, heart heavier, as I walked to my room. I didn't want to look like the mess I felt when I saw him.

I paused in front of the mirror.