Might this be true? *A Brallon fanfic*

CHAPTER 11

Brendon's POV

It was Saturday morning. I woke up at 11 AM, because Dallon and I had been talking until about 2 AM last night. 
We started talking because we weren't tired after such a great show, but after a while, we decided to tell each other about things we did not like, but that were quite necessary to talk about. Not telling anyone ever only kills you inside.

I had been telling him how back when I was younger, there was a storm that had almost killed me and my parents. Since that day, I had been a very anxious person. Of course, as a teenager, I was the easiest person ever to bully. 
And well, I got scared of being bullied as well. My anxiety developed to having several panic attacks a week. 


He started by telling me he started cutting when he was thirteen. He told me how he realized he was gay at that young age and he came out to his parents very soon. His mother was really welcoming, she did not care whether her son way straight or gay, but his dad had difficulties. He did not abuse him physically and he said he should say neither he did mentally, because he never called him stuff he did not like hear. The problem was, he did not talk to his son at all anymore. Only a few necessary words a week. In some way, he didn't exist anymore and it hurt him. A lot. That's when negative thoughts chimed in. 
A few years later, he decided to come out to people at school and they were quite fine with it. He could deal with the few bullies at his school. 
What he couldn't deal with, was that those thoughts became more negative everyday: no longer only the 'you're such a misfit, why are you gay?' crossed his mind, but 'you're a failure.' 'you're bad at everything.' 'you'll never find someone to love you for who you are' and even 'just die, for heaven's sake' crawled around in his brain more and more.

Apparently, around the age of 17, the cutting had become a thing he did on a daily basis. 
He also told me this routine continued until I had found out. He somehow started feeling a little less terrible and didn't have the urge to cut every day. 


About ten minutes before we decided to actually get in our bunks and sleep, we planned on telling Dan and Kenneth about all this stuff tomorrow. Well, it's today actually.                                We promised each other to tell whilst eating breakfast together. The breakfast was turning into lunch, though, since we woke up this late in the morning.

-

Dallon's POV

"Dallon, want to try these eggs? They're really tasty!" Kenny exclaimed. He's definitely a food lover. I kindly refused, because I wasn't into eating much. I had eaten some toast and that was a hard task for me. I was very nervous to tell everything, so I kinda lost my appetite.

A few minutes later everyone had finished eating, so I decided to start. I looked at Bren and he nodded, signaling it was okay to start. 
"Dan, Kenneth? I have to talk to you guys about something important. It's not going to be easy for me to tell, but it is very much needed." I say, trying to keep my voice stabile. Brendon then looks up: "When he's done, I have to tell something as well. It is not as important as what Dallon is going to talk about, but I want to get it off my chest." I smile and put my hand on his for a few seconds. "It'll be fine, Bren." I say.

"Okay... I would love to ask not to get mad at me, but it is realistic that what I have done will make you guys mad, so react whichever way you want to." I say. I take a deep breath and close my eyes; I then slowly roll up my sleeves. I wait a few seconds, but since I don't hear any of both yelling at me, nor leaving, I open my eyes. They're just staring at my arms, tears forming in their eyes. 


Kenneth starts crying and Dan tries to talk. "I'm.. It's... Wow, Dallon.." he says, "I never thought you felt that bad." 
Brendon started crying as well, am I hurting them? No, I can't start thinking now, I have to talk about it.
"It started with getting neglected by my father after coming out; yes I am indeed a very gay person, just for the record. A few years later bullying started and the lack of positive attention got me in a downwards spiral. Sadly, the only way I knew to help me, was cutting. It's only since a few days, since Brendon knows actually, that I do not feel the urge to cut on a daily base." I somehow manage to tell everything while staying calm.

Kenneth wipes away his tears, saying: "I don't know what to tell or not tell, but I'm sure you'll get out of this, somehow, and I am even more sure Brendon will help you." He smiles. Brendon looks up to me: "Even though I knew yet, it still hurts me a lot to see that how you feel takes you this far, but like Kenny says: I am going to help you, no matter what." 
He takes my arms and carefully touches my scars: "I will make every single one of these disappear as being a memory." Then he rolls my sleeves back down and starts ranting himself: "So, I told you guys I've got something to tell myself. Well, it's not at all that shocking, but I get anxiety attacks pretty often. You guys were luckily never around when I was having one, but Dallon has been before. It's my way of dealing with emotions and sadly, it's not a great sight when you can see me having those, neither it is good for me."

After talking for an other while, we got back to our tourbus and watched some movies together. We had planned to go out for dinner with the four of us tonight. Celebrating our first week of tour.

Brendon's POV

"I think I'll try the pasta carbonara." I said, Dallon and Kenneth mumbling they'd take that dish as well. Dan asked for the pasta with chicken and the waiter thanked us. 
I was sat next to Dallon, Dan in front of me with Kenny next to him.

We were talking about random stuff like games we liked and new music we had been listening to. I was relieved that everything was the same as usual; no awkwardness since our chat this morning.

When our food arrived, we all dug into it, except for Dallon. He looked pretty tense, possibly because he was still a little shaken up from telling everything this morning. He was barely touching his food and stared to his plate, shoulders up a little and arms under the table. I put a hand on his knee under the table, rubbing it slightly to calm him down. He moved his hand to mine because of the sudden contact and I squeezed it, telling him it was okay and he should just relax.

He started eating with his left hand and I kept holding his right hand.

I pulled my hand back for a few minutes to finish my food and then returned to search for his hand. I couldn't find his hands, which was normal since he was using them to eat. I decided just to rest my hand on his thigh to relax him a bit, but all he did was benumb. 
Maybe it was not the best move since he told me to wait with any kind of showing love, but I didn't know this'd be a problem.
I'll just give him some more space on the love part. The friendship part will not be denied, though. I'd like to find a way to get him happy. Or at least to make him feel wanted.